The Neverending Poetry Story [for all]

[Rivvy Elf]

Like a lark in the night or a croak from a boat,
Rapid wriggling movement did emerge
The sponge cake didst scream, moan, and groan.
“For why thou betray me? I am but a sponge cake!”

[Dwim]

"But you're no longer an apple, no longer rolling,"
"So stop that most unhelpful caterwauling."
"Just a cake perhaps, but a security cake,"
"So teleport us out of here now, for goodness sake!"

[Silky Gooseness]

A BANG and a flash of sweet scented light;
The three all are teleported, all right -
Into Saruman’s pantry, a glorious store
Of food, cake and pastries and nibbles galore:
“My powers are linked but to cake, so you see
This is the sole place I could teleport thee”

[Zôrzimril]

The maid gasped at the drink and the vittles aplenty
And reached out for pastries - but just ten or twenty.
The cow-cake saw an upcoming threat to their lives
Emerging from several large buzzing beehives.

[Rivvy Elf]

"No! NOT THE BEES" Saruman cried.
For honey was in his hair, his robes, his staff.
They swarmed around the wizard, and roosted in his beard.
Whatever words the Voice of Saruman spoke, the bees could not be denied.

[Oak]

The bees stung,
and could not be flung
from the his beard
welts would come he feared.

[Dwim]

He reached for his staff and lit up a spark.
The flames burnt the bees and brightened the dark.
But the flaming bees, they put up a fight,
Then came the smell, the Wizard's beard was alight!

[Aerlinn]

Pockets stuffed with trifle and hat full of pasty
The maid made a dash for it, time to be hasty!
But as they dived out the door she tripped over a rake
and with a "MOoOOorf!" into burning beard went the cake.

[Zôrzimril]

The cow-cake aflame, her dress all in tatters -
The elf maid had never been part of worse matters.
But let a wizard's beard toast her friend she would not!
She looked 'round the room, then snatched up a great stone pot.

[Oak]

With beard now ablack
and giving of quite the smoke
Ah yes it was not joke
Snuff the flame - not be slack.

[Burnt Toast]

With alacrity the great stone pot she hurled,
Then belatedly realized no water unfurled!
For she had flung the pot as a whole,
But neglected to fill the stonework bowl...

[Oak]

It shattered scattering
into tan bits tinkling
Not a drop was sprinkling
not even a smattering.

[Burnt Toast]

And so now the wizard was covered in bits
Shattered pottery pieces, all over his lips!
Yet his beard was still aglow-
He decided it was time; the maid had to go!


EDITED for homonyms. Must have been sleepy.

[Zôrzimril]

Saruman raised his hands; his eyes all a-sparkle
"Fair maid, you must die, though to thee I am partial,
for no one has put up such a fight in an age!
You nearly matched me in my anger and rage!"

[Nia]

But as Saruman finished, soon to deal death's final blow,
Something changed in the air - why, it started to snow!
"But I am no fair maid" voice now menacingly cool,
"I am the White Witch, more evil even than you".

[Moriel]

The snowflakes they whirled upon a white storm
Howling with winter, a rage to be born
From the voice of the White Witch, her wrath unbound
And quickly ice grew from her hands to the ground

[Zôrzimril]

The small cow-cake shrieked with the utmost of fright
As the White Witch emitted a silvery light.
With fire in her eyes and ice in her hands,
She leaned in and croaked, "Now hear my demands."

[Burnt Toast]

"First, free the cow, return him to form,"
"Next, eat this ice cream-- born out of my storm!"
And there before her the mound did appear--
Mountains of frozen milk; the wizard felt fear...

[Thalionwen Hunigfolm]

Here, at the unexpected turning of our tale
We consider a question as old as time.
Its outworking hath caused many a hero to quail
And inspired page upon page of hallowed rhyme.
Was't chance and danger that froze the maiden's heart?
The unwieldy weight of trial that turned her bitter cold?
Or had the fair elfling been corrupted from the start,
Abiding a chance at infamy e'er this drama did unfold?
Did some birthright set icy fire within the confines of her breast,
Or did it kindle there when, pluck'd from natal embrace,
She embarked upon her most perilous quest
And found not all fair nor charmed beyond her 'customed place?
T'was it nature that put wickedness within the charming maid?
Or was't trouble's nurture that brought her here, her virtue all decayed?

(I am rubbish at sonnets but this is what you get )

[Silky Gooseness]

These questions are best left unpondered for now;
As waves of ice cream head for Saruman’s brow.
Philosophy’s great, but it cannot defend
from the finest and chilliest vanilla bean blend

[Zôrzimril]

Especially as that ice cream started to mold
Into an old snowman pal from songs of old.
A top hat fell down on top of his head
And his eyes opened up - Frosty's back from the dead!

[Dimcairien Luiniel]

With a spring in his step did Frosty jump up
And turn with a bow, acting just like a pup
From the bowl of the ice, a voice was heard to say
Please, sir, don’t make me go far, far away.

[Burnt Toast]

But the wizard knew that his task had been set-
Sentient ice cream or not, Frosty would be et.
The wizard pulled from his robes a miniature spoon-
Death by a thousand scoops would be Frosty's doom.

[Rivvy Elf]

"WARGH! WALALAL!! EREEW"
Frosty did scream and shout,
"OOOLEEEGH AARGH WOOGOOLEEGH!"
For pain everlasting the ten thousand did.

[Dimcairien Luiniel]

But Frosty was smart and should not need to be snack
And the ice princess realised that she should not slack
"The ice cream can talk!" she exclaimed in glee
He must come with me so I can make him free!"

[Nia]

Her mind set on this plan, she stretched her palms wide,
Frozen shards smooth as glass formed a giant ice slide,
"Come Frosty with me, let's take leave of this place!"
Jumping onto the shoot, down the slide she did race.

[Dwim]

After Witch, came Frosty's turn to slide,
No problem of course, he was made out of this ride.
Ice on ice, his speed was nice and breezy,
But for Babe the Cow, things were not so easy.

[Zôrzimril]

The cow was still cake, after all's said and done -
and a cake that said "moo" down the icy slide spun.
Crumbs falling apart the cow cried out at last,
"Save me, please! Grant me my bovine form of the past!"

[Burnt Toast]

And the ice princess heard the cry of despair-
She was sliding far and fast, she could not see from where.
But she knew it was the security cow.
She knew she must help him, but did not know how!

[Dimcairien Luiniel]

And then the most brilliant idea came to mind
She had created something of the Frosty kind
Why not make make a frosty snowman cow
Who could carry the bovine cake, for now.

[Burnt Toast]

And so the iced bovine came to be,
But, "I am also sentient!" cried he.
"I cannot house this cake like cow,
I'd like to live my own life, now."

[Zôrzimril]

"I cannot share status with a cakey ex-cow.
I can't believe you'd want me to do so. Just wow."
The snowcow gave a sigh and a roll of his eyes
and secretly hoped that the cake-cow would die.

[Burnt Toast]

The cake cow, it seemed, would shortly oblige-
He had been crumbling since a quarter past five.
The clock now ticked onward with dread-
In just a few minutes more, he would be dead!

[Zôrzimril]

The clock struck midnight - it was time for a wish!
The White Witch remade the old cow with a swish -
Her hands sweeping high, she cried out to the stars -
"Restore my cow friend - this is just too bizarre!"

[Dwim]

The stars passed the wish to their fair mother Varda,
Who sent it on to the Bovine Department of Arda.
A representative then appeared from out of the blue -
"These reports of bovine abuse, pray tell me they're not true!"

[Androthelm]

But the Department's deportment has something to lack
and requests and reportings are buried in a stack
of paperwork, bureaucracy and red-tape too
if you want anything done there's no place for you.

[Zôrzimril]

So the security cow got in line with the rest.
The crimes of the wizard he planned to suggest
Ran right through his head like a videotape,
But it occurred to him now he could make his escape!

[Burnt Toast]

So instead of working to make his complaint-
The security cow took off - an escape
would soon be complete, and he'd have nothing more to do--
With ice princesses or wizards, or ice cream cows, too!

[Dwim]

"I enjoyed that new friendship," he thought to himself.
"But it just goes to show, you should not trust an elf."
For just when it looked like he was getting away,
The Ice Queen yelled something to tempt him to stay.

[Burnt Toast]

"I have a third eye!" the ice queen did shout,
Now normally it was not a statement of clout.
But the cow had been wishing his future to spy-
And he could make great use of the ice queen's third eye

[Zôrzimril]

"Come check out your future!" the queen taunted him.
The cow pondered a while; he did not act on whims.
He longed to know if he'd be promoted and when,
To match the status of his older brethren.

[Burnt Toast]

But if he were to turn back now-
He'd live the rest of his life, a beholden cow.
Beholden to the ice queen's whims.
He decided to summon his good friend, @Dwim.

[Dwim]

Thus Dwim appeared, with Hobbitish cheer.
A pipe in one hand, in the other a beer.
"Well met, Son of Babe," he said with a wink.
"Now stop your fretting and enjoy this drink."

(OOC: yes you all have permission to do as you wish with Dwim!)

[Zôrzimril]

The cow nodded glumly; a drink with a friend
Seemed better than pondering what-ifs and whens
He clinked glasses with @Dwim and said “Thanks for this, pal.
It’s really done wonders to boost my morale!”

[Burnt Toast]

And now with a new friend by his side,
The cow decided to take the Queen for a ride.
"Hop on my back!" He exclaimed to she
"I'll show you what my life could be."

[Zôrzimril]

But Dwim didn't want to be left all alone
"Can I please come, too? I weigh no more than five stone!"
He looked up at the cow with such sad sappy eyes
That the cow cried out "FINE! But you must bring some pies."

[Rivvy Elf]

I will gring 5 pies
but you promise me something
to let me sire you a new name
to be Pie-oh-My

[Burnt Toast]

The cow would take no new name--
This is what he exclaimed.
But he would take the pies;
They all took to the skies.

[Moriel]

And in the skies they flew aloft
Past dish, past spoon, quite over the moon-
But where was the little dog laughing?
Where was the horse and rider,
Where was the horn that was blowing?
To mix metaphors it was such a sport
That the cow guffawed with a chortle,

[Dwim]

"Whew, that really was a quite strong ale,"
"We sailed through the skies like a mystical whale."
And now that they were landed, but still quite high,
The cow decided to change his name for pie.