Catawumpus!

[Silky Gooseness]

CATAWUMPUS!

It’s a beautiful day in the Shire, and you are a horrible cat!

Your mission is to cause as much chaos for the people around you, and as much rest and relaxation for yourself!

I will be your prompt guide and present you with a scenario. Once you choose what to do, I will decide via D6 whether you are successful. Points will be awarded by me based on the havoc you achieve, the minimal cat effort you exert, and additional for the number of cat puns you manage to insert into your post. (Bold these if you want me to notice them but I’ll be looking out regardless!)

Rules:
- indeed cats were worshipped as gods once but don’t godmode, this right is reserved for me;
- interact with other players only if invited: put “open to collab” at top of your post if you would like to team up into some sort of Eru-awful cat horde or something, idk
- all OOC in here and tag whoever you want to respond. Will delete other OOC posts. If you want everyone to read your OOC, write “OOC: all” in a post in here and link to the Mathom-house post
- being mean IC is fine being mean OOC is not
- Pg13 I guess

Scenario One. your horrible day begins
it is a beautiful morning - or at least it’s going to be. Dawn is just beginning to blush in the horizon. you are awake and getting ever so slightly peckish. There are probably things to hunt, but you are indoors and warm, and you know there’s food in the pantry. Your hobbit family are still asleep. what do you do?

[Drífa]

The Adventures of Jo Button

Jo Button is a slender, tawny tomcat with a black-ringed bushy tail. He spends most nights outside unless it's raining. His master prefers to sleep with the window open, claiming it's best for his health. This open window suits the half-feral cat just fine, for he is not an actual hobbit hole cat lying inside all day. His belly was rather full after his nightly rompings; all he wished to do was curl up and sleep the day away.

Jo Button's master is a dandy hobbit, overly devoted to style, neatness, and fashion in his dress and appearance. Most of his closets are stuffed with clothing, and his drawers are packed with fancy handkerchiefs, antique cufflinks, and brass buttons. He also has an array of oils, creams, and luxurious colognes.

Four special items are lined up on the closet floor by the front door. Jo Button's master refers to them as his "strutting-out shoes." These soleless slip-on shoes go over his feet, exposing his sturdy soles. They are made of soft leather and adorned with curly sheep wool dyed in various colours: auburn, blonde, black, and brown. They are his master's pride and joy.

One early April morning, Jo Button silently padded through the garden towards the open window. He was exhausted after a night of stalking, climbing, and chasing. As he leaped onto the window pane and almost noiselessly dropped to the hobbit hole floor, he thought, "I was supposed to remember something."

As he made his way out of his master's bedroom and into the long hallway extending the length of the hobbit hole, he continued to rack his brain for what he was supposed to remember. He entered his master's study, hoping to find a clue on the calendar. Leaping onto the desk, he searched the calendar but found nothing. Frustrated, he left the study and continued down the hall towards the front door, muttering, "Cats have feeble memories!"

When he reached the front closet, he spotted the leather shoes with the curly sheep wool. Entering the closet, he scuffed the shoes, hunched over, and...

He hadn't been asleep long, or so he thought, when he heard his master's voice raised angrily, calling out, "Hi there! Where are you, Jo Button? And what have you done to my shoes again?"

Jo Button's ears perked up, and as he twitched his nose, he suddenly remembered what he was supposed to remember. "Ah, yes! I was supposed to remember not to use my master's special shoes as a litter box!"

Cuddling up once more, he thought, "Too late now!"

[Pele Alarion]

Open to collab!

Fluffy of Bywater

As the name suggested, Fluffy was indeed very fluffy, her soft coat a joyful play of black and brown spots on white. She had spent much of the night comfortably curled up next to the head on the pillow. When the morning was near, she left the bed in favour of the windowsill and sat looking out at the garden which was still decked in greys and mists. She fully intended to stretch out all along the windowsill to enjoy the sunbath, but it was still too early and she felt that a bit or two of something delicious would not be amiss.

Jumping off the windowsill Fluffy made her way out of the bedroom in as leisurely manner as she could and made it right to her bowl. There was still some food in it but it was not what she relished at the moment; her next visit was to the pantry, oh by the door was closed. She hissed softly in displeasure and stared the door down. A few scratches and jumps at the handle later she gave up and returned to the bedroom to position her fluffy bottom right on the sleeping hobbit face.

"Fsfrrrrgrrr!...." came a muffled voice and a hand swatted at her, so Fluffy moved only enough to escape most of the swatting and started rubbing her face against the wide awake hobbit one with hearty purrs.

"You silly cat! Why'd you do that even?" Lily the Hobbit complained, but soon accepted the rubs and purrs as means of apology, though Fluffy did not intended those to be so.

"Mrrr," the cat responded softly, beginning to knead the blanket.

[Melahny_oftheWoods]

Open to colab!


Sneaks the Ginger Cat

Sneaks was a sleek ginger kitty, with long whiskers and a mischevious glint in his green eyes. He woke up lazily in the basement pantry to the sound of stratches at the door. He ignored that and licked his paws. Hrmmm.... what can I get up to today? He wondered.

Sneaks jumped up on the table, and what a surprise! A large block of cheese and butter sitting out, covered under a silly cloth. I can have some of that! He pawed at the white cloth until it fell to the ground, taking the butter dish with it!

Ooopsssiesss! he purred. He pawed at the other cloth and took a nip of cheese. Very good. He looked at the cheese bowl, sitting precariously on the edge of the table. Why not? he thought. Sneaks knocked the cheese bowl over, delighted at the smashing sound it made as it hit the floor. Oopsies!

Sneaks gracefully alighted to the ground and licked the butter. Yum. Then he went upstairs through his little sneaky tunnel-way in the walls to search for the spare cat, Fluffy. He sniffed her out. She was in the Hobbit Lily's room. Cuddling on the bed.

"Hissssss," Sneaks arched his back and hopped onto the bed. He took a playful nip at Fluffy's tail, then jumped onto the windowsill. He scratched at the windowsill, clawing long marks with his large claws onto the finely stained wood. He mewed and meowed and growled at the useless Hobbit girl. "Meeeeeerrooowwwwww," he made a long drawl, hoping to annoy the girl.

"Oh fine, you grump! Go outside then," Lily said with a shake of her head, opening the window. "But I'm sure, you'll just want back inside in a moment!"

Sneaks swatted at her hand before jumping through the window (knocking a lovely little potted plant down as he went) and he landed on the soft ground outside. Not that he needed to get out via window. He had lots of other sneaky ways in and out of the Hobbit hole. Not to mention the cat flap on the back door. He stretched out on the dry grass and blinked in the early sunlight. He hissed at the sun. Too bright.

[Silky Gooseness]

@Drífa: Jo Button has piddled in his master’s shoes and, oh woe, you have hit the jackpot as your master has, in fact, slipped on one shoe before realising your heinous crime!! I don’t think your hobbit family is pleased. What will they do?! +5 Naughtiness Points!

@Pele Alarion : Fluffy has successfully woken her owner, not without some danger of smothering - and she doesn’t even seem too upset! +1 Naughty Point!

@Melahny_oftheWoods : Sneaks, you cheese eating menace! What a good job Lily is so good natured. But your appetite isn’t satisfied. RIP that plant. +4 Naughty points!

Scenario two: You decide to make your escape before your hobbit gets really irate, and slip out of the house. Hmm, you’re in the mood for some food. You can smell something delicious. What is it; where is it; and to whom does it belong?!

New cats welcome!

[Drífa]

The Adventures of Jo Button
Jo Button slept peacefully as his Master raged, for he was well acquainted with his Master's outbursts due to Jo's mischievous humor. The ranting went in one ear and out the other. As the day went by, Jo finally woke up, stretched, and began to groom himself while pondering how to reach the open window without his Master noticing. The window was the only way out; Master would never consider ruining his beautiful round door by putting in a cat door—that would be a definite faux pas. What would the neighbors think?

In the end, getting to the window wasn't tricky. Master had been too busy trying to clean his shoe to notice anything.

As Jo Button slinked through the garden, he spotted lunch—an unsuspecting bird not far from the snapdragons and sunflowers. Crouching low, he advanced on it and suddenly leaped, chattering out, "Got you, Robin!"

The bird caught by Jo Button's claws squawked, "Robin? Are you looking for a Robin, Erithacus rubecula? I am afraid you have the wrong bird. I, sir, am a Thrush, Turdus migratorius! Now, kindly take your paws off me!" Startled by such a haughty claim, Jo Button released the bird, which immediately flew away.

"Well," Jo thought, "I was sure it was a Robin."

Suddenly, an unmistakable scent caught his attention, driving the haughty bird from his mind. The Old Planter's fish fry! A couple of hobbit holes down lived the old hobbit, who was busy cooking up his catch of the day, filling the air with an enticing aroma. Jo Button turned and did not sneak but bounded toward the deliciousness wafting in the breeze. He knew all he had to do was purr happily. "Fish, please?" the old gaffer would bend a knee to offer him a fish head, treating him like royalty.

Jo Button wondered why he didn't live with Old Planter instead of Dandy Master. There was a reason, but being a cat with a feeble memory, he most likely had forgotten why.

[Silky Gooseness]

@Drífa Jo Button, you scamp, at least you didn’t commit bird murder! Odd you go to the Gaffer instead to beg for fish. Once you’ve eaten, you decide to reward Gaffer for his generosity, what do you do?

@Pele Alarion @Melahny_oftheWoods and all others still welcome!

[Melahny_oftheWoods]

Open to colab!


Sneaks the Ginger Cat

"Meeeeeeerooooowww," Sneaks whined at the windowsill. Poor Lily glanced through and shook her head at him.

"No sneaks, you'll have to stay out for now. You've caused quite a ruckus! Go find something to do!" she shut the window. How rude. Well, I didn't want to go back in anyway, Sneaks thought. Time to find something to get into...

Sneaks bounded off towards the other houses and found a lovely little garden patch in front of old farmer Bill's hobbit hole. Hmmm... seems like a nice little patch to roll around in! He began to roll and knead the garden, mussing up the carrot stalks, and herbs and flowers. Then he smelled something very tasty. It was some kind of plant... cat grass?! He sniffed the stalks and rubbed his snout up against it. No, that wasn't it. He kept on trudging through the garden, digging, rolling, and biting off stems or leaves of random plants, until finally he saw it... a lovely peach pie sitting on a side table on the porch... cooling off.

Peaches! Sneaks darted so fast he was just an orange blur. He pounced upon that peach pie and dug his muddy claws in! Yummm... he licked his lips and started biting into it. Delicious, warm, peach, sweet and juicy, eat it up.

Sneaks took a couple more bites, the pie now utterly destroyed with claw marks and muddy cat prints, along with little bit marks here and there... then, he decided he was quite full. He left the remnants of his prey behind and stalked off with a satisfied but smug gleam in his green eye.

"HEY!" someone exclaimed.

Sneaks jumped, startled at the shout. He bent low in the tall grass by the garden and glanced over at the porch, where an elder hobbit was standing in dismay over the peach pie.

"WHO DID THIS?" He shouted. "What happened to this pie!?"

Sneaks swished his tail and sprang off, a merry spring in his step.