Lava Snake Racing II - Cirith Ungol

[Moriel]

HEEEEEEEERE'S SNAKEY!!!!
Greetings, Minions, mutts, and associated hangers-on! We are BACK with a brand new round of Lava Snake Racing for your delectation, delight, and vicious competition. Would it really be Mordor without a fresh pack of lava snakes slithering madly towards victory to cheers, applause, and threats of death and imminent doom? I think not. And to celebrate the return of this grandiose game, we are opening it up to ALL, which means if you want to sidle your freep hiney in and pit your snake against the homegrown serpents of doom, you can! ...at your own risk. Don't say we didn't warn you.

How it Works
The announcer (Bagronk, played by Moriel) will roll dice for your moves, all you have to do is choose A or B and then describe what the announcer tells you. The race takes place on a 50-space board.

A = Move Rolls: A Rolls are taken on a 6 sided die. Even rolls move you forwards, odd rolls move you backwards, the number of spaces corresponding with the number you rolled..

B = Action Rolls: Choosing B means the announcer rolls a 20-sided dice with either a heftier space move or some action your pet will need to perform (like picking a fight with another racing pet!) There is a pre-determined list set up already with 12 actions, plus 8 chances to move ahead extra spaces. There are no backwards moves on a B Roll.

Once the announcer tells you what your roll produced, you post describing your next move in reaction to it! At the end of your post, you then choose A or B, for the next round.

Each lava snake will get seven turns to move, and whichever creature is farthest ahead after the seven turns will win.

Non-minions are permitted to race provided they have brought a lava snake, but should watch their backs...
Spectators are permitted to post and comment, heckle, place bets, etc.


Signup and Update Periods
There will be a 5 day signup period, and race updates will be made every ~48 hours!
You may join the race late, but will only have as many turns as remain in the game at that point.

To sign up, RP your entrance and tell us your Lava Snake's Name and Trainer's Name. Posts may be as long or short as you please, so long as they are 300+ characters (appx. 3 lines in the text box) long. This race takes place in Cirith Ungol, so watch out for spiders!!
The starting line is at the top of the Winding Stair.

[Lady of Shadow]

Naelia with Smaug

Naelia had heard of the Lava Snake Racing competitions but never tried to take part before. "But that was before Orngor came across this creature when he was on assignment in Angmar..." the minioness thought to herself as she tried to watch her step since the latest competition in her native homeland happened to be taking place in none other than Cirith Ungol, the original home of Shelob the spider. Though Shelob wasn't present at the moment, Naelia still had to watch her step as she and Smaug (this particular Lava Snake was given this moniker by her trusty Orcish helper due to the fact that he often liked to hoard treasures that he came across, much like the dragon that lived under the Lonely Mountain once upon a time) made their way to the starting point of the race, atop the Winding Stair. Though Smaug was having no troubles slithering up the nearly impossible stairs to climb (or at least it seemed like it to the minioness), Naelia had to stop and catch her breath a few times (that and she could have sworn she saw a few spiders attempt to follow them, and since Smaug was too focused on reaching the top of the stair in record time, Naelia had to watch out for them herself).

[Fuin Elda]

Umoya the Haradrim with Cargûl

The haradrim heard that there was a new Lava Snake Racing Competition starting and she decided to try her hand at it. It had taken her a bit of time to get herself a proper Lava snake. She finally found a quite lovely bright red one and had named her Cargûl after some of the lesser wraiths of Sauron. It felt suitable as the little snake wound her way to the top of the Winding Stair. Umoya was less pleased about the stairs than the snake, which had no problem with it at all of course she did have to warn the bright red snake who hissed and spit angrily at being bothered - that there was a very very large and very hungry spider that if they were not careful would eat them. Cargûl paused in her angry hissing at this warning. She'd heard of this giant spider and perhaps the Haradrim for her part may have a point as they grew nearer to the top of the stairs. Once they reached the top that was where the most danger from Shelob would likely be and Umoya was not sure if the lava snake or her would be sweeter meat.

[KingODuckingham]

Ducky with a lava snake he has affectionately named Lavauck Dunake

Ah, Mordor. Nothing like a nice relaxing visit to Cirith Ungol to lift the spirits of a flagging wizard, aye? It had been too long since Ducky had sniffed the sweet air of victory in the morning. The pull and promise of winning had brought him south, down across mountain and vale and wilderness, in the hopes of participating in a race. He had learned only on arrival that he needed to have a lava snake, as it was they who raced, not he. That made things a tad more difficult, but thankfully, by Yavanna's good graces, he was able to coax a particularly feathery looking snake to join him at the starting line. It was practically half bird, by the look of it. No doubt its descendants would evolve into ducks someday. And Ducky would be there to see it, since wizards could last for generation upon generation. He would tell those great-great-great-grandchildren in duck language of their ancestor's glorious victory in this race.

Assuming he won. But he did assume that.

[The Good Hunter]

Fleeg, with Georgie

Fleeg had been gone for quite some time. That’s not right, let’s start over. Fleeg had been hiding for quite some time. Having angered his dimwitted but very strong friend Regdûsh one too many times, teasing him about the lose of his lava snake Blinky and his propensity to eat the fungus growing out of his belly, Fleeg had high tailed it out of the more populated areas of Mordor to the less civilized areas of a country not known for civility in the first place. He’d been robbed and beaten up three times already and he’s only been there a few hours. They didn’t like goblins in those parts, as he found out. The southern half of Mordor could be called a sundown country. Any goblins caught after nightfall would be turned into strange fruit. Fleeg was not inclined to follow that sort of trajectory. He left with nothing but his sandals.

He snuck back to his stall at the Black Market, the murder hornet apiary with his metaphorical tail between his legs. Reg, in his wild berserker like rage, had not thought to destroy the goblin’s livelihood. This was a very good thing for both. For Fleeg, it meant he would not have to rebuild and he had a place to hide. For Reg, he was not immediately set upon by hundreds large, angry hornets. Perhaps Reg’s three braincells were finally working in concert with one another.

Fleeg was shocked to find that a lava snake had taken up residence in his tent while he’d been gone. He’d only found out because apparently this lava snake liked to cuddle (or strangulate it’s really up for interpretation). Fleeg woke up his first night wrapped in a very tight, very bone-crunching embrace from a sleek, jet black, twelve feet long serpent with glowing orange eyes. As was his wont when something scared him out of his wits, he screamed. He screamed very loud. He screamed like a goat whose foot had just been stomped out. He did not move, mind you, he merely screamed at the top of his lungs until the lava snake squeezed the last of the air out of his lungs.

The monstrously strong serpent only relented when Fleeg, desperate to (you know) stay alive said he’d give her whatever she wanted. Indeed, this serpent was a lady, a fine lady too. She aspired to be a racer, like her crush Blinky (completely unbeknownst to Blinky) and her missing brother Jormungandr. She had trained for this for weeks, ever since she met Blinky and watched go through his daily exercises. A nervous creature, Georgie tried to introduce herself to him and ended up accidently trying to eat him. Not a great way to make a first impression. The only way she thought to remedy this disaster was to show him that she was a competent racer. She would much rather be a librarian or an archive clerk, but those jobs were difficult to come by, so lava snake racing it was. There was a problem though, one she had not anticipated. When she tried to sign up for the races, she was informed that she must have a handler. As foolish and regressive and backwards as it was, Georgie knew that she had no recourse. She was going to have to find some poor sap and browbeat them into being her handler. She already knew what to do, she just needed someone to stand at the starting line and look pretty.

Fleeg was not pretty, but he would do. Through a variety of communication attempts, Fleeg tried hissing but received several nonlethal bites for his trouble, they came up with a deal. Fleeg would live if he sponsored her in the upcoming Cirith Ungol race. Seeing no way to wheel and deal, Fleeg agreed to her demands.

Thusly, they arrived. Fleeg dressed in goblin finery (mostly stolen because Reg had destroyed his house by planting his belly button fungus in the house and allowed it to grow until the entire block was a semi sentient blob of white polypus things) and Georgie with her black scales burnished until they glowed. Fleeg had no idea what he was doing or where he was supposed to be so he followed the giant serpent to the starting line and looked about nervously, half expecting his orcish companion to come roaring out of the shadows and splat him with a hammer.

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky, Alone

Dawn broke over the tranquil lava snake community, the sky slashed with scarlet and orange clouds. Or mists. Vapors. Whatever. It was morning, the sky was an angry set of colors, and Blinky the lava snake snoozed on.

His was a cozy little cave. Its mouth, recently renovated so that Blinky would no longer bash his head on the “lintel” thanks to his newfound girth, yawned wide to let in some of the fiery morning light. The shadows receded to the back of the cave as the day drew on, and a snakey eye popped open when the light crossed his face. “Ssss,” he grumbled, blinking slowly as he awoke.

It was meant to be a day like any other. A few turns through his rock garden, a light meal or five, and an early evening with a good scroll of poetry. Yes, life was good now that he was retired! The horrid racing lifestyle he’d once lived was behind him, as were the days when he’d been subjected to that awful, hairy orc’s every whim; a life of leisure on the slopes of Mount Doom was a fitting coda to a long imprisonment in Regdûsh's pocket.

He’d no sooner slithered out into his rock garden to check on his favorite mouse-shaped rock than a huge shadow darkened the sky above him. “Hsssssss?” he queried, blinking rapidly as he looked up. Alas! A buzzard! His enemy most foul! (Less foul than Reg, but still.) “SSSSSS!” came his panicked shriek. He slithered hurriedly back toward his cave, but his flight was futile. The buzzard clasped him in the iron grip of its talons and sped away, away from his peaceful home!

Tears ran down Blinky’s scaled, red face as they flew. First they were tears of sorrow, for when would he see his beloved mouse rock again? Would another snake squat on his property once more?? His anxiety grew into anger, and soon he was blazing hot with the heat of the earth's molten core. The buzzard’s talons began to smoke and burn. The bird dropped him with a squawk of pain and alarm before wheeling away.

If Blinky thought this morning couldn’t get any worse, he was wrong. For who should he spy but that scheming, idiotic friend of Reg’s! Fleeg! The one who’d written him a desperate letter not so long ago! And where should he find himself but the putrid, stinking labyrinth of Cirith Ungol! Ugh! This was no way to start the day.

Hoping not to be seen, Blinky slunk into the shadows. He was looking back to make sure that Fleeg hadn’t followed him when he smacked right into the emcee of the race, Bagoink or Bargonk or whatever his name was. “Sssss,” Blinky hissed (tr.: “What are YOU looking at?”). Unfortunately, it seemed his meaning was mistaken and he had been entered in the race. Sigh. Fine. One last race, then back to his quiet home, no matter how long it took for him to get there. How bad could one race without Regdûsh be, anyway?

[Silky Gooseness]

Búbosha with Hashtag

All the goblin girls had one. That meant Búbosha had had to have one, too.

“Very nice,” the vendor at the Black Market had said enthusiastically, waving his long-fingered hands about and narrowly missing losing a nail to a nasty-beaked bird in a cage behind him. “Wear him as bracelet, as hairpiece, prank your enemies, race him in contests, you will be best friends, forever!”

He had mimicked a chef’s kiss.

“If you get bored, eat him!” he continued.

Doubtfully, Búbosha stared down at her wrist and the long black and copper snake wreathed around it. Stylish? Possibly. Racer? Who knew? At the very least, perhaps she could use it as a rope in case she fell off. Whose ridiculous idea had it been to hold the race up HERE? She pressed the palms of her hands against her thighs, panting slightly and not at all seductively.

[Moriel]

Alright people, let's get this show on the road!

The Racers:
Naelia, with Smaug
Umoya, with Cargûl
Ducky, with Lavauck Dunake
Fleeg, with Georgie
Blinky, Alone
Búbosha, with Hashtag

Bagronk surveyed the assembled crown and nodded his approval. He was a snappily dressed little goblin, coin purses jingling at his belt, notebook hooked through it with a pencil dangling on a string, ready to take down bets and adjust odds at the speed of light. Lava Snake Racing was always good for the pocketbook, as well as being highly entertaining. He was examining the angle of the sun to ascertain the time when something bashed into his foot. "Oi!" Bagronk cried, looking down to see a snake (Blinky) hissing up at him. "Ssssss yourself, serpentface," the Bookie growled back, and pointed in the direction of the starting line. In fact, it was time for everyone to get their scales behinds in gear.

"All trainers, bring your snakes to the starting line! The race is about to begin!" Bagronk gestured the the line scratched in the rocky dirt before them, red and black pennants snapping in the wind on either side. It was a cruel course he had outlined for the serpents, but he was confident at least one would prevail. Or if not, that the difficulty of the course would inspire the trainers to do better next time! When all the snakes were lined up, Bagronk raised up a black flag with one hand, and a small black horn with the other. "Last call, last call! On your mark... get set... betting begins... now!!!" Simultaneously he dropped the flag and blew the horn, setting the snakes off on their perilous run through Cirith Ungol. The race had begun!

Racers, it's time to make your first move! Line up at the start and take off slithering, bolding your choice of roll (A or B) at the bottom of your post.

It's not too late to sign up! If you want to join, simply RP your way to the starting line and make your first roll.

Update in 48 hours or after all current racers have posted, whichever is sooner


@Lady of Shadow @Fuin Elda @KingODuckingham @Fleeg @Tarawen @Sil

[Fuin Elda]

Umoya, with Cargûl

Her snake was much smaller than some of these snakes much smaller indeed but Umoya was certain that the bright red snake would do just fine possibly even better than the larger snakes as long as she wasn't eaten, or crushed by them in the tight spots that made up Cirith Ungol. The Haradrim woman looked at the small snake and shrugged.

"Don't get eaten and if you can eat them." She said motioned for Cargûl to get going, "If you win maybe I'll find a goblin and chop them up so you can eat them." She said looking about, there were a few option immediately available for that though shew as certain snuffing any of these particular goblins would end in trouble. There were always plenty of them she just needed to find one that wasn't paying attention if Cargûl did managed to finish this race.

B roll Please

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky, Alone

More racers and their trainers had entered the pass. Blinky blinked. He had to get out of here. The quickest way, it would seem, would simply be to win the race and speed off home. This was his plan, and he was sticking to it.

He let the end of his tail whip at the bookie’s ankle as he turned and went off to the starting line. He turned his head this way and that to see the gathered serpents. That black-scaled one looked quite familiar. Had they crossed paths on the racing circuit in the past? Hmm. As nice as his new body was, Blinky had to admit the memories made while in his old, less muscular body had become a bit hazy with time. He supposed that was just the way of resurrections.

The sound of a horn interrupted this reverie. No time to chat now! Blinky took off, determinedly muscling his way through the pack and onward along the race course.

B roll por favor

[Lady of Shadow]

Naelia with Smaug

Since this was her first time participating in any kind of lava snake racing (even though it was Smaug that would be doing the actual racing), she was shocked to see that a wizard had entered the Mordorian race. "Isn't there any kind of racing games he can participate in less harsh lands?" the minioness thought to herself as Smaug began hissing his distaste. Naelia wasn't sure if it was at the wizard, or the fact that he was racing with a mostly female bunch of snakes (some as nasty looking as some of the males). She didn't know much about this particular lava snake (since her trusty Orcish helper, Orngor, didn't reveal too much backstory on how he acquired such a creature, just that she should try to enter him in the upcoming race), so she made him a promise:

"Don't worry, if you lose to the wizard, you have my permission to take revenge on either him or his trusty lava snake in any way you see fit." the minioness whispered to Smaug, shooting the wizard the nastiest looking smirk she could manage.

Smaug seemed to perk up at this and found his spot at the starting line, hissing at any snake that seemed to glance at him in a suspicious manner.

A roll, please

[Silky Gooseness]

Búbosha with Hashtag

She looked up doubtfully at the harsh terrain, dark sharp crags and hot sands. It did not seem like pleasant grounds for racing. Perhaps it was not only speed, but stamina which was being tested here. Still, here lava snakes were born, so perhaps this was all par for the course for them.

The goblin unpeeled Hashtag from her skinny wrist. It hung as limply as a sock filled with jelly, if only Búbosha had ever worn socks or eaten jelly, both luxuries unheard of in Mordor. Whether the creature was male or female was anyone’s guess.

“Right,” she said, hopefully, setting it down on the ground and flapping a hand vaguely in the direction of the pennants. “Get going, then!”

B roll

[The Good Hunter]

Fleeg, with Georgie

Fleeg had never attended a lava snake race before today. When all the other snakes were off at the sound of the bell, he stood there looking at Georgie as if she knew what she was supposed to be doing. She didn’t. This was also her first race. This was… awkward. After a few heartbeats of gnawing indecision, the snot green goblin looked down at the snake made a shooing motion. “Well? You were the one that wanted to do this. Are you gonna… race or whatever?”

The snake tested the air, narrowed her eyes, and coiled as she was about to strike him (that would have been his luck) but at the last moment she turned and began slithering down the path, following all the other fiery serpents.

This race was going about as well as Fleeg had anticipated in that he had no idea what to expect. He always zoned out whenever Reg talked about the races and all the preparations he made for it. What he supposed to do now? Cheer on Georgie? Run after her and coach? Get a fruity drink and watch?

Unable to think of anything to do, Fleeg Phlegmson stood at the starting line picking bits of food from his teeth. Now at least he had a chance to look at some of the other competitors. He didn’t recognize any of the larger folk. Well maybe, he thought he might have haunted the one lady when he was a ghost, but he wasn’t sure if he was actually a ghost or just a creepy little goblin at the time. Speaking of goblins… Yowza! Who was she?! Fleeg wanted to go over and introduce himself but found himself frozen to the spot. After the race? Definitely. Yeah, after the race.

B Roll, por favor

[KingODuckingham]

Ducky with Lavauck Dunake

"Your name is terrible, I regret naming you." Ducky told his snake scornfully. "Could I possibly have picked a worse one? In fact, I regret picking you up at all. Why don't you slither on home to your pit or wherever it is you snakes hang out when you aren't following wizards around."

The race starting sound went off. The snake began wiggling its way forward.

"Are you still racing?" Ducky called after it. "I don't even like or want you! You can't represent me! Are you listening to me!?" The snake pushed forward, apparently paying no attention whatsoever to his wizard handler. Ducky folded his arms and pouted. Being ignored by a snake? He was hitting new lows.

"Well, maybe if you win I will love you." he called, but not as loud, seeing as how conversation was turning out futile. The snake did not look back.

B Roll please and thank you!

[Moriel]

ROLL RESULTS

Umoya, with Cargûl - B Roll - 12 - Move forward!

Blinky, Alone - B Roll - 14 - Move forward!

Naelia, with Smaug - A Roll - 3 - Move backward. Booooo!!

Búbosha, with Hashtag - B Roll - 19 - Move forward!

Fleeg, with Georgie - B Roll - 7 - Fleeg has become so distracted by the pretty lady goblin that he tells you to go the wrong way, leaving you eating snake dust!

Ducky, with Lavauck Dunake - B Roll - 6 - Speaking of love, up ahead you sight an extremely pretty wild snake, which distracts you from the real race at hand...

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 1
1st - Hashtag
2nd - Blinky
3rd - Cargûl
Tied for 4th - Lavauck Dunake, Georgie
5th - Smaug


Next update in ~48 hours!

You may still join! RP coming to the starting line late and make your first roll.
You will have less turns than everyone else and may have to take more risks to succeed...

[Silky Gooseness]

Búbosha with Hashtag

Was that a wizard? It was a wizard, wasn’t it? He was giving off a faint, sparkling air of magic. Or perhaps that was just the haze of pipe smoke that perpetually hovered around wizards (and hobbits, which is why they are tastiest when smoked.) Búbosha had always secretly fancied the habit herself, but her secretarial salary didn’t allow her to purchase such fancy items as pipes.

She stared enviously at @Fleeg who was clad in Goblin Finery, and clearly the kind of goblin who could purchase fancy items, but had to burst into raucous laughter when the beautifully burnished Georgie shot off in the wrong direction. Her own Hashtag was doing better: no sooner had the creature touched earth than it had sped off in what Búbosha presumed was the route.

“I think your snake is lost,” she said, with the husky tones of someone who breathes in ash-laden air, dreams of a smoking habit and doesn’t have a purifier. TOO FANCY, plus, a forbidden import in Mordor.

b roll

[Fuin Elda]

Umoya, with Cargûl

Umoya nodded approvingly as her small scarlet lava snake darted forwards quickly making half decent speed against a least one snake that looked like they were a far more seasoned racer than the little serpent. After all the one seemed to be racing completely on their own. They were not in the lead but they were definitely placing, not that that mattered much one came first or nothing in races in Mordor and the surrounding dark lands generally or one died. However there was still plenty of time for Cargul to make up ground on the two snakes that were ahead of them and honestly just a few missplace coils of a larger snake or a hungry spider....

Which reminded Umoya as she glanced around and above herself JUST incase the great hungry beast of Cirith Ungol had decided to grace the race with her presence and make off with a tasty morsel. So far though both herself and her lava snake seemed to be safe.

B roll again please.

[The Good Hunter]

Fleeg, with Georgie (nominally)

“I… ah, ah, hi…” Fleeg realized the goblin lass, gobliness, the goblin female woman, was looking at him and the powers of speech left him. It was as if Reg had poured that tongue numbing alcohol in his mouth again. What was it called tequila? Oh right, he had a race to be… wait, why was he worried? He wasn’t running? He wasn’t so goof in a bunny suit trying to impress some girl. The snake was supposed run, erm, slither the race. Fleeg had no idea what he was he doing here, only that he was glad he did because… was Georgie going in the wrong direction? She was in fact. Was she blind? “Hey! Danger Noodle! Turn around!” There, that should set her to right.

~~

This goblin might be the stupidest person that ever lived. Or at least be in the running for it. Didn’t he know he was supposed to coach her? The beginning of the course was a confusing mess and she’d gotten turned around. It wasn’t all her fault. Also Blinky was here. Blinky, he was so dreamy. Had he gotten his scaled burnished? He looked good. No Georgie, focus! You have to beat him to impress him. He’s too cool to notice girl snakes that go the wrong direction! In a maneuver that could only be called “not smooth” she turned herself around and was certain she was heading in the correct direction now, now thanks to that doofus goblin!

Another B Roll, gracias

[Lady of Shadow]

Naelia with Smaug

"Darn that wizard!" Naelia thought to herself as she noticed that the lava snake that her trusty Orcish helper, Orngor, had acquired in Angmar was going backwards!

"Never mind the wizard, get back on track!" the minioness yelled at Smaug, as the lava snake realized that he was going backwards instead of forwards. He may have been found in a dark land, but he never had the opportunity to participate in any kind of race, so wasn't that familiar with how this was supposed to go. That, and Smaug was used to the terrain in the Northern Kingdom of Angmar, and was new to these Mordorian lands. If his new handler would just let him be and try to figure this out on his own (and stop making promises that she might not be able to keep), he might be successful in beating the lava snake of the funny looking creature with the pointy hat that didn't seem to belong in these lands. "Sssssss!" he hissed at anyone (whether lava snake or handler) that got in his way, in an attempt to get ahead of them and to see if they had any treasures that he could hoard when this was all over (after all, the Orc that named him Smaug did so with good reason).

B roll this time, please

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky - Still Alone

The fiery red snake zipped along the putrid racecourse, keeping a nice lead over most of his competitors. The one who looked familiar had become turned around. Another might have found love on the track. Only one remained ahead of him: The black and copper snake who had uncoiled from a goblin’s wrist.

Blinky decided it was time to put his recently-acquired muscles to the test. “Ssssss,” he hissed menacingly while he gathered speed. It was much nicer to race for his own purposes than to be continually berated and threatened from the sidelines by Reg, he reflected.

B roll again please

[Moriel]

ROLL RESULTS

Umoya, with Cargûl - B Roll - 10 - Move forward!

Blinky, Alone - B Roll - 14 - Move forward!

Naelia, with Smaug - B Roll - 15 - Alas! Smaug seems to have figured out which direction to point his nose, but his hunt for victory (or treasure) is interrupted when he his stepped on by a wayward snaga wandering onto the racecourse.

Búbosha, with Hashtag - B Roll - 13 - Move forward!

Fleeg, with Georgie - B Roll - 10 - Move forward!

Ducky, with Lavauck Dunake - No roll

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 2
1st - Hashtag
2nd - Blinky
3rd - Cargûl
4th - Georgie
5th - Lavauck Dunake
6th - Smaug


Next update in ~48 hours!
P.S. I'm changing the rules, I put two more forward moves on the D20 this time because I felt sorry for you all last time, but you're moving too fast and I'm taking them away again.

You may still join! RP coming to the starting line late and make your first roll.
You will have less turns than everyone else and may have to take more risks to succeed...

[Fuin Elda]

Umoya, with Cargûl

Her snake was doing a good job of keeping a fairly even pace with those that were in front of her, at least over all considering they were one of the smaller snakes on the course. They simply needed to keep going hopefully in order to win. Of course the goblin that was in charge of the course was changing the rules mid way through. That was to be expected in Mordor, and Harad - nothing ever stayed the way it was and the best one could hope for was that the rules were not further altered in the goblins favour in terms of making bets so that they would keep the most amount of money.

Umoya for her part muttered a dark little 'prayer' if one could call it that that her father liked to use from one of the blue wizardsd for speed for her racer and wondered if there was some sort of food about for the spectators though she doubted it would be much better than spider eggs and roast goblin leg on a stick with her luck.

Another B Roll please

[Silky Gooseness]

Búbosha with Hashtag

The goblin furrowed her brow, trying to see where her snake had disappeared off to. There was just a dark streak visible and a cloud of dust. Was that Hashtag? Búbosha was craning to see when she heard a shout.

“Hey! Danger Noodle! Turn around!”

Búbosha wheeled on her heel (not that she was actually wearing heels; her footwear was in fact carefully fashioned from a couple of dead, leathery toads into whose open mouths she had jammed her toes) and put her hands on her hips.

“Who are you calling a danger noodle!?” she demanded.

B roll

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky

He muscled and writhed, slithered and undulated. Dust and cobwebs, disrupted by his speed, flew up in his wake.

And yet he was still only in second place.

The same snake maintained its lead over him. Blinky had all but forgotten about the other competitors.

How was this new body not propelling him into first place? Was he simply weighed down by all this muscle? Or had he not trained for this adequately? (Of course he hadn’t, he’d been enjoying a relatively sedentary retirement up until a few hours ago.) He certainly had not been watching what he ate. Reg had forced him into a Spartan training diet (largely by neglecting to feed him) with the result that Blinky’s former form had been lean and trim. Perhaps that was the difference-maker.

Oh well. He didn’t really care about finishing first, so long as he got to go home.

B roll

[Lady of Shadow]

Naelia with Smaug

Naelia would have to have a talk with Orngor when this race was finished, since Smaug did manage to point his nose in the right direction this time around, but unfortunately got stepped on by a rogue snaga that happened to wander onto the racecourse! Perhaps the reason that her trusty Orcish helper was able to acquire him in the first place was because he was just a tad unlucky?

Smaug on the other hand wasn't beaten by this particular turn of bad luck. Luckily for him, the snaga just stepped on a part of his tail, that he was able to bash him with when he realized his mistake:

"Oh, sorry, snake, I didn't realize they were holding the Lava Snake Racing competition in Cirith Ungol of all places." the snaga apologized as he tried to make his way off the racecourse on some mission to cause harm to someone that was rumored to have escaped the Pits. If Naelia would have known that the person rumored to have escaped was her nuisance of a half-sister, Lathana, she would have been back home in a flash, but at the moment, she was trying to get this particular Lava Snake motivated enough to advance further up in the race or else he might be shunned by the snake world for being entered in a race he just wasn't ready for, since that might have been the reason as to why Smaug was doing so poorly.

Smaug didn't seem to care for this particular snaga's apology, since he tried to go after him to put the bite on him, and he would have, if it weren't for his handler shouting at him for the second time to "get back on track!" If she was a little more patient and would let him figure this out on his own, perhaps he would perform better, but since this was his first time participating in any kind of race (in a land that he wasn't that familiar with), he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Was he just supposed to let a rogue snaga just step on him without consequences? He never allowed that to happen in Angmar, so why should he here? Giving up trying to figure out his handler's motives, Smaug decided to do as he was told for the moment until this race was over and hope that the Orc that first acquired him would return him to his native land once this was all over and done with.

Another B roll, please

[The Good Hunter]

Fleeg (no longer sure where Georgie is)

“I, uh, what?” Fleeg, a consummate showman and expert goblin rhetorician, was suddenly bereft of his vocal talents. For a long moment (a good fifteen awkward seconds), he stared at the lady goblin in the very sensible shoes (Fleeg’s own were boots made from possums hollowed out). His mouth was a little agape and a tiny bit of drool dribbled out of the corner of his mouth.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!

Fleeg was normally much better at thinking on his feet. What was going on here? He blinked, breaking the spell as the drool finally flopped from his mouth. “Oh, oh no! You’re not a danger noodle!” he forced a chuckle. Did she really think he called her a danger noodle? More importantly, had he said the term “danger noodle”? What was wrong with him? He could have said anything and that’s the thing that popped out of his mouth? He was certain he’d blown it with the goblin lass, but Fleeg was never one to stop failing after a single attempt.

“I’m Fleeg,” he said, holding the lapels of his jacket in as dashing a manner as he could. “I’m racing Georgie, she’s…” he turned to look at where she was on the track. She was the black one, right? Or was she white? Banded? “That one.” He pointed to a vague spot somewhere on the course. “She’s a bit bitey, that’s why I call her danger noodle.”

Fleeg you idiot! Stop saying that! Stop!!!

B Roll, por favor

[Moriel]

ROLL RESULTS

Umoya, with Cargûl - B Roll - 16 - Move forward!

Blinky, Alone - B Roll - 2 - Blinky's luck has finally run out. The mean lean racing machine of a snake has stirred up so much dust with has passing that he fails to see a boulder up ahead, and runs into it snout first!

Naelia, with Smaug - B Roll - 4 - Smaug may have decided to do what he's told, but the racecourse hasn't finished with him yet. A small (comparatively, this is a child of Shelob after all) but ferocious baby spider pounces on him and picks a fight!

Búbosha, with Hashtag - B Roll - 9 - With its trainer distracted and unable to warn it, Hashtag runs afoul of a poison frog on the racecourse and must fight it off!

Fleeg, with Georgie - B Roll - 15 - "That one" the danger noodle is doing so well- right up until she's stepped on by a wayward snaga wandering onto the racecourse!

Ducky, with Lavauck Dunake - No roll

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 3
1st - Cargûl
2nd - Hashtag
3rd - Blinky
4th - Georgie
5th - Lavauck Dunake
6th - Smaug


Next update in ~48 hours!

You may still join! RP coming to the starting line late and make your first roll.
You will have less turns than everyone else and may have to take more risks to succeed...

[The Good Hunter]

Georgie (ignoring Fleeg)

Georgie, finally back on track, raced along the track, slithering through the cracks, over the chasms, and under the rocks. She was doing fantastic. Fleeg was utterly useless though. He was supposed to be helping her by calling out the obstacles ahead so she could prepare for them, but of course the sentient puke was too distracted by another goblin to pay attention. Why had she even brought him here? She should have done what Blinky did, doing it alone. Oh Blinky! No, focus Georgie! Focus!

This was the point she could have really used Fleeg. Had she known there was a snaga creeping around the racecourse, she could have adjusted avoid him. But she didn’t. She had no idea what was coming until the oaf stepped on her. Yes, the stupid thing actually stepped on her! In the middle of a race? What kind of shire show was this place? She thought it was an officially sanctioned race, a qualifier to get her into the lava snake leagues. Clearly, she’d been wrong. Thank the dark lord this bumbling idiot had only managed to step on her tail, not her midsection or, wraiths forbid, her head! Instinctively, Georgie arched up and launched herself at the hapless doof in a counterattack. She lost track of the times she’d bitten him. He was twitchy when she let go of him and white foam was coming out of the corner of his mouth. That was a good sign. Suddenly she was very hungry. What if she just took a little nibble… no! No! She was losing valuable time having to defend herself from race hazards. Fleeg was going to pay for this when she was done! She’d eat the little monster in one gulp!

B Roll, por favor

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky

SLAM

Blinky stopped. His head felt like it had split open. Stars appeared. What were stars? Blinky had rarely had occasion to see them on account of the gloom and doom of the Mordorian skies, and/or being smushed into one of Reg’s pockets.

Blinky shook his still-throbbing noggin and blinked several times to bring his vision into focus. What had he been doing??

Oh, right. Racing.

He slithered dizzily around the boulder with which he’d collided, tongue poking out to sense the air ahead and supplement his messed-up vision.

He got back on the race course and soldiered on.

B roll

[Silky Gooseness]

Búbosha with Hashtag

Búbosha watched, fascinated, as a glistening, viscous droplet of murky liquid gathered at Fleeg’s lips and slow-mo bungeed to the ground. “My badness, how uncommonly moist you are,” she observed. “But what on Udûn is a noodle?”

Meanwhile...

Hashtag, speeding ahead, had come across a brightly coloured speck on the track. It flicked its tongue out at the snake in warning: poison! Hashtag reared back; but a poison frog’s best offence was defence. As long as the snake didn’t lick it, there was no danger. Hashtag wriggled around the frog, giving it a wide berth, flicking a fine spray of dust and gravel over it to ensure less of its toxic skin was exposed.

B roll

[Moriel]

ROLL RESULTS

Umoya, with Cargûl - no roll

Blinky, Alone - B Roll - 16 - Move forward!

Naelia, with Smaug - no roll

Búbosha, with Hashtag - B Roll - 3 - You may have managed to evade the poison frog, but you slithering takes you nose first into a large and sticky spiderweb! If you don't get unstuck you might fall prey to whoever left it there...

Fleeg, with Georgie - B Roll - 7 - Despite your best attempts to ignore Fleeg, when he calls out his next bit of advice you follow it, leading you completely off course!

Ducky, with Lavauck Dunake - No roll

"What's this, what's this?!" Bagronk cries through a bullhorn, surveying the racers from the back of a borrowed fell beast, "The action is starting to heat up! The top three are breaking away from the rest of the field, and despite a rocky setback, Blinky has surged to a lead! The finish line is in sight! But it's still anyone's game- who will bring it home?!"


STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 4
1st - Blinky
2nd - Cargûl
3rd - Hashtag
4th - Georgie
5th - Lavauck Dunake
6th - Smaug


Next update in ~48 hours!

You may still join! RP coming to the starting line late and make your first roll.
You will have less turns than everyone else and may have to take more risks to succeed...

[Fuin Elda]

Umoya narrowed her eyes Cargul had been doing so very very well but something had happened, the little lava snake wasn't doing that bad though and would likely catch up fairly quickly. At least that was what what the Haradrim woman hoped. For now though she could do little more than sit and hope that her little red snake slithered back into first place after having been in first after the previous round.

At least Cargul had not been eaten yet by Shelob and neither had she. Which was questionable. Very very questionable.

B Roll Please.

[The Good Hunter]

Fleeg, with Georgie

Moist? Moist? Wow. Fleeg’s natural green hue turned a shade darker. He’d… he’d never been complimented in such a salacious and lascivious way. This goblinette was something else! The shock and bashfulness only lasted a moment on Fleeg’s part. He needed to act like he’d been in this scenario before. He hadn’t of course, but he was not about to let something like the truth get into way of finding a “friend”, no sir! He was still looking at her (he was going to have to ask her what her name was at some point) when it registered that she had spoken to him again. “What’s a noodle?” She was playing a joke on him! Aha! She was clever. Sneaky, sneaky! Fleeg liked her even more. “What’s a noodle?!” Finally getting the joke, the goblin doubled over with laughter. “What’s a noodle! Wow that was a good one. You’re very smart. I think I’d like to hang out with you, if you like centipedes of course.”

Georgie, “with” Fleeg

What was that? Georgie tilted her head to the side, believing that holding one’s head at a strange angle would help her here. Was Fleeg actually doing his job? She was shocked, she’d only just written him off as a useless blob of snot covered in rotting meatflesh but maybe she was wrong about him. Sure, he was dumb but…

Nope. He’s useless. She thought she’d heard him yell out that a centipede was in the way and, being one of those sensible people that avoided centipedes like it was a religion, tried to dodge out of the way. That’s not how things went though. There was no centipede. Knowing Fleeg, there never was one. She dodged the supposed centipede center point and overcorrected. She tumbled off the racecourse and started sliding off the mountain! If lava snakes could scream, Georgie would have. She was about to die because that doof thought it was funny to yell out random words. Rage filled the sable serpent, fire ignited within her (whether that fire was literal or metaphorical will be left up to the reader). She bunched herself up, coiling as if she were about to strike. She leapt forward with all the might and strength she could muster. It was barely enough to get back on the course. It was now or never. She had to make a move!

A Roll, por favor

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky

He was doing it! He’d finally grown accustomed to his muscles! Hooray!

Blinky sped past one competitor who seemed to be standing still, then the other snake currently in the lead fell into a giant spiderweb! Haha!

Blinky rarely felt such unadulterated joy. He was whizzing along, on his way home, away from racing and Reg’s friend and back to his mouse-shaped rock!

Blinky did not know about irony yet (he hadn’t quite gotten to that part of his study of literary devices) but he’d look back on this moment of joy as a possible example of it later.

B roll

[Silky Gooseness]

Búbosha and Hashtag

The well-dressed fancy-goblin was turning a dark shade of puce. Or puke. Búbosha didn’t know how to say it and she sure didn’t know how to spell it. Slightly peturbed (another word she can’t spell), she edged away slightly as he doubled up with laughter - or with the urge to vomit. Who knew?

“Of course I like centipedes. Are you laughing at me?” she demanded crossly, completely ignoring the fact that...

...Hashtag had catapulted itself headfirst into a sticky spiderweb and was thrashing and flailing about in a most inelegant fashion. The muscular spasms of the snake tore plenty of the sticky strands, but it was not until Hashtag hissed out a cloud of frustrated venom that dissolved the greater part of the web was it able to slither onwards and away, sadly no longer in the lead...

B roll

[Lady of Shadow]

Naelia with Smaug

This was the one time that Naelia didn't yell at the Lava Snake that was given the moniker of Smaug by her trusty Orcish helper, Orngor, after he inquired him by mysterious means when he was on assignment in Angmar.

The reason the minioness wasn't angry at Smaug for getting into a fight with one of the local spiders was because this particular Lava Snake Racing competition was being held in Cirith Ungol, and she kind of expected it. At least the Lava Snake wasn't trailing behind this time, since he was trying his best to try to roll the spider off him in an attempt to gobble him (or was it a she) up in a single swallow (this particular spider was just a baby and not much of a threat to the Lava Snake than coming across a common rodent, but that didn't mean that he or she didn't try, since it seemed to be a rather feisty looking spider, trying to pick a fight with a creature that would probably end up putting them out of their misery, so to speak).

Smaug seemed to be relieved about one thing: at least his handler stopped yelling at him, probably because since this particular competition was being held in Cirith Ungol, she kind of expected his latest setback? Regardless of the reason, now the Lava Snake could concentrate better on what he was doing, trying to bite or shake the spider off so that he could finish them off and continue on with the race, since it didn't look like he would win this particular competition.

Trying to coil himself up, this caught the spider off guard, so it managed to tumble off the Lava Snake in just the wrong place... on a direct course to the snake's gaping mouth, where he gobbled up the pesky nuisance in one swallow! Now he would have to slither faster in order to catch up to the others, and hoped that his handler would let him be until this race was finished, whether he was victorious or not (since it certainly looked like he would be coming in last by the way things were going).

Another B roll, please

[Moriel]

ROLL RESULTS

Umoya, with Cargûl - B Roll - 7 - Unfortunately Umoya calls out some bad instructions, sending you slithering off the wrong way!

Blinky, Alone - B Roll - 19 - The roll says that something terrible happens to your trainer, but as you are Alone, it'll have to be you. You are pounced upon and bitten by one of Shelob's children!!!

Naelia, with Smaug - B Roll - 9 - Fresh off your triumph over the spider and subsequent tasty snack, you run across and are attacked by a poison frog!!

Búbosha, with Hashtag - B Roll - 2 - In your frenzy to free yourself from the spiderweb, you fail to notice a massive boulder into which you run snout first!

Fleeg, with Georgie - A Roll - 6 - Move forward!

Ducky, with Lavauck Dunake - No roll

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 5
1st - Blinky
2nd - Cargûl
3rd - Hashtag
4th - Georgie
5th - Lavauck Dunake
6th - Smaug


Next update in ~48 hours!

With two rounds left, the race is now CLOSED to newcomers.

[The Good Hunter]

Fleeg (Georgie?)

The laughter had been bursting out of him died in his throat. It left a heady, bulky lump in his throat. “Were you… not making a joke?” Fleeg, a natural comedian of some renown, was sudden baffled. This was distressing. First she calls him moist (moist!) which basically meant, well you know, but now she was yelling at him? Maybe this was part of the courtship ritual. Fleeg honestly had no idea, he never bothered to learn the other half and only half skimmed what he was supposed to do. He had better things to do, okay! Jeez!

“Yes, one as laughing,” he took a gamble. “because I was just thinking about how…” he ran out of words for a moment and another dribble of drool fell out of his mouth, “oh it was something my dumb true d Reg told me once about noodles. He thought they were worms but when he went fishing with them he never caught anything.” Did that save it? He prayed to his ancestors it did.

Georgie

Zoomie zoom zoom! Georgie felt like she was on top of the world! She had no idea what place she was in, thanks to her useless trainer, but she knew she had to be in first place, right? Zoomzoomzoom! She understood why so many lava snakes lived doing this now. The wild freedom, the exhilaration, the thrill of competition. She also wad learning the reasons why they hated it and retired so soon. The races were hazardous and the trainers were useless shire. Once this race was over, Georgie had a lot to think about and mull over. First thing she was going to do was bite Fleeg's face, the second was introduce herself to Blinky, and not bite his face.

B Roll, please

[Fuin Elda]

Umoya with Cargul

Apparently shouting nothing at all to her snake just watching and letting them do their own thing had gotten them confused. Perhaps because there was lot of other people shouting and cheering. Or possibly shrieking because of Shelob and her children. So far both she and her snake had at least managed to avoid that either by luck or something else

"No no the other way don't come looking to me for directions I can't even get through part of this course I don't have a noodle of a body." Umoya said pointing back in the direction that the red snake had come from looking somewhat like a lost puppy with those big sad lava snake eyes. "I promise I'll help if I a spider or toad comes for you." she said perhaps the little snake was scared of how many snakes were being accosted by toads and spiders.

B roll Please

[Lady of Shadow]

Naelia with Smaug

"Perhaps I should have yelled at Smaug after all!" Naelia thought to herself as she noticed the Lava Snake's latest opponent. But since he was able to fight off the spawn of Shelob on his own, she let him be for a while, but if he ventured off course again...

His handler keeping quiet, Smaug now ran a foul of a poisonous frog! Perhaps his handler should have yelled at him after all, since then the Lava Snake would have veered clear of his latest opponent. He managed to look back in her direction, and although the minioness didn't say anything, he could tell from her facial expression that she was troubled.

The poisonous frog, on the other hand, took this an an opportunity to attack the snake. BIG mistake! When he tried to sneak upon him and bite Smaug, the Lava Snake coiled his body around the frog in an attempt to squish him enough to at least leave him as a puddle on the floor. Though he had tricked the spider in the same way, the Lava Snake wasn't sure if this particular adversary was poisonous or not, so it was an attempt to not fall back any further (or else his handler might end up yelling at him again to "Get back on track!"). Unfortunately, since the frog seemed to sense Smaug's intentions, he simply hopped out of the way before the Lava Snake was able to squeeze the life out of him. He just hopped onto a log out of the way in an attempt to try and fool the Lava Snake into thinking he gave up (though he was secretly waiting to see if Smaug would gobble him up in a single gulp like he did with the spider and then he could release his poison upon the snake before being devoured into his bowels).

Smaug did notice the poisonous frog hopped onto the log out of the way, but he wasn't going to fall for his trap and gobble him up in a single swallow. Instead, he would sneak upon him from behind and bash him with his tail so that the frog flew into the path of the other Lava Snake he had set his eyes upon and let him (or her) deal with him!

Slowly slithering up behind him, Smaug approached, keeping an eye on the frog to make sure that he didn't hop out of the way this time, but he was so focused on another Lava Snake that the frog didn't see him coming, and as he sent the poisonous frog flying towards the Lava Snake he had been admiring, he snuck another peek back to see if his handler liked that little manoeuvre before slithering back onto the track again in an attempt to catch up (though both Smaug and Naelia knew by now that he wouldn't be the victor, but at least he might throw the Lava Snake whom had captured the attention of the poisonous frog off when he leaped out of the way, so that he or she might not end up being the victor after all, and that was satisfaction enough, at least it was for Smaug).

B roll, please

[Silky Gooseness]

Bubo’sha with Hashtag

“I... uh, of course I was. Aha. Ahahahaha,” Bubosha ventured. The frown did not disappear from between her thick brows. She still suspected, somehow, that she was being made fun of, and it was best to act as though she knew what was going on. The fancy goblin was drooling again. Distantly, Bubosha noted that he was acting as a sort of spirit level; as the drool was only hanging out of one side of his mouth, this was a clear indicator of the uneven ground of Cirith Ungol.

“I don’t know who Reg is,” she said flatly. Whoever Reg was, he was clearly a failure. But what on earth were noodles!!?

****

Distantly, up on the track, poor Hashtag thudded into a rock. There was a comedic tinkling noise representing some of its teeth falling out. A tragedy, indeed.

B roll

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky, Alone

Argh!

8 hairy legs scuttled across Blinky’s path.

Hissss!

Large spider fangs, dripping venom, descended toward his face! He was going to be bitten!

Blinky flung himself about and whipped his tail into the spider’s face. With a horrible squelching sound, multiple spidery eyes popped and ran. Hissing with pain, the spider curled its front legs over its head and retreated, half-blind, into the shadows from which it had so recently sprung. Blinky hissed with glee.

“SssssSsssSsdSSSSS!” (Tr: “yeah that’s right, you better run!”)

B roll again please

[Moriel]

ROLL RESULTS

Umoya, with Cargûl - B Roll - 2 - Umoya might be able to keep you safe from spiders or toads, but not giant rocks! In your attempts to get ahead, you run snout first into a boulder.

Blinky, Alone - B Roll - 6 - Your fight with the spider is very impressive, so impressive in fact that an extremely pretty wild snake slithers over to congratulate you. It's very distracting.

Naelia, with Smaug - B Roll - 5 - The wild residents of this racecourse can't seem to get enough of you! This time you get into a fight with a wild lava snake, which is determined to prevent you from reaching the finish line!

Búbosha, with Hashtag - B Roll - 19 - After running into that big rock and losing a few fangs, you look to your trainer for guidance. Unfortunately, a landslide has come off the mountainside- directed right at Bubo'sha!! She is too occupied not dying (or maybe dying, who knows) to give you any advice.

Fleeg, with Georgie - B Roll - 7 - Yet again, Fleeg tells you to go the wrong way. Can't take him anywhere. Waitaminute- is that Blinky? Who is he talking to???

Ducky, with Lavauck Dunake - No roll

STANDINGS AFTER ROUND 6
1st - Blinky
2nd - Cargûl
3rd - Hashtag
4th - Georgie
5th - Lavauck Dunake
6th - Smaug


FINAL update in ~48 hours!!

[Silky Gooseness]

Buboshå with Hashtag

Bubøsha was completely unaware of Hashtag’s lost fang. Deep in thought as she was as to what Fleeg could mean by “noodles” - her first guess was some sort of fashion item - she had neglected to notice the skittering of pebbles that were the first sign of a rockslide. Cirith Ungol is a dangerous place to tarry, and down one of its many stairs came tumbling scree, followed by larger boulders, no doubt dislodged by the antics of the racing snakes. One of the medium-sized rocks thudded into Bübosha, who fell over. “Ow!” She protested loudly, rubbing her leg.

B roll

[Lady of Shadow]

Naelia with Smaug

Finally free of both the spider and the poisonous frog, now a rogue Lava Snake decided that they wanted to pick a fight with Smaug to try and prevent him from reaching the finish line!

"Of all the... !?" Naelia nearly cursed, but stopped herself, since she knew that it was hardly Smaug's fault. First, he was seemingly either "rescued" or "bartered upon" in Angmar where her trusty Orcish helper, Orngor, first came across him; then he was taken to a land that he wasn't that familiar with and entered into a race that he wasn't ready for, so the minioness decided to cut him some slack as she promised herself she would come across her own Lava Snake if she decided to take part in this kind of competition again, since it was a good guess that Smaug would be returned to the land where he came from (unless the minions of Mordor could find some other use for him, but competing in future competitions was out, at least until he had some kind of training so that he knew how these kind of competitions went).

Smaug was more concentrated on winning the fight with the wild Lava Snake that just happened to slither onto the racecourse than anything his handler was planning for him if he lost this particular competition. He was clearly unlucky (or just inexperienced, since this was the first time he was entered into any kind of race, whether it was held in his native homeland or not), so he decided that he was just try to lead this rogue Lava Snake out of his way so that he could finish the race and hopefully go back to where he came from.

A little luck came Smaug's way as the rogue Lava Snake miscalculated Smaug's next move and ended up heading in the wrong direction, which caused him (or her) to slither away from him and into the direction where he catapulted the poisonous frog during the last round! Smaug took this as his opportunity to slither ahead and hopefully not end up coming in last (which is where he was presently standing).

B roll, please

[The Good Hunter]

Fleeg (with Georgie)

Now. Now was his chance! He could be a hero! Why would he want to be a hero though, heroes were idiots that got themselves killed. Fleeg had read all the stories. Villains were the ones that made it to the end. He wanted to be a villain! But… this goblinette was, well she was something! And if he didn’t act quickly, she was going to be a something pancake. Valiantly, and against his better judgement, Fleeg threw himself into her and knocked her aside, screaming heroically as he did.

Thankfully, Fleeg’s ancient progenitor must have been looking down in favor on him because he managed to push her out of the way far enough that he too was missed by the falling avalanche of rock. Never mind that she had managed to get herself out of harm’s way before Fleeg had jumped into action, he hadn’t noticed that of course. He was a hero! Fleeg beamed with pride, his pointed teeth sticking out in half a hundred different directions. This would surely get him past that awkward noodle comment. He really needed to get a centipede for this woman. How much were they again?

Sadly for Georgie, she misinterpreted Fleeg’s scream to mean “there’s something in the way look out” and veered off course to avoid, well, nothing. She skittered off the track and began to roll uncontrollably. As soon as she got her bearings though she was able to see far down the track and… was that Blinky? Oh Blinky! Wait… who was that tramp talking to him? How dare she! Georgie suddenly forgot about her anger at Fleeg, he was too useless to be angry with anyway, and focused all her rage and malicious intent on the trollop who thought she could move in on her snake. Well, he wasn’t her snake, not yet. But that wasn’t important right now! That hussy was going to get it if she didn’t get the hell away from him! Georgie sped on, fangs ready to kill and maim.

B Roll, if you please

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky, Maybe Not Quite So Alone

This race track was a veritable danger zone! Blinky should have known this; they were in Cirith Ungol, after all.

What he did NOT know was that this creepy spider’s abode also happened to house the most beautiful, sinuous snake lady he’d ever seen. Had he been a cartoon, his eyes might have bugged out of their sockets, shaped like hearts. As it was, he froze dead in his tracks (though still in first place, he noted. What had happened to the rest of them?)

“Sssss,” he said, by way of greeting.

The lady snake hissed with flirtatious laughter. “Ssssss sss,” she replied. (Tr: “That was some fight. You’re quite the tough guy, huh?”)

They carried on like this for a while. Blinky was bright red already so you couldn’t see how he was blushing, but flush he did.

A sudden scream (like that of a goat) caught Blinky’s attention. Ruefully, he recalled he was still in the midst of a race and even had a shot at winning! “Ssss sss, SSssSsSs,” he concluded, with a motion as much like a shrug as a snake can make. (Tr: “Well, it’s been nice knowing you. Come visit me on the slopes of Mount Doom sometime! I’ve got a lovely rock garden.”)

And with that, he sped off, the finish line almost in sight...

B roll please!

[Moriel]

ROLL RESULTS

Umoya, with Cargûl - no roll

Blinky, Alone - B Roll - 18 - Fresh off your flirtatious escapades and streaking towards the finish line, you are suddenly distracted by the nearest snake behind you (Cargûl) and decide this is a great time to pick a fight!

Naelia, with Smaug - B Roll - 1 - Alas, your fighting streak has come to an end- you have been carried off by a large and fearsome spider, looking for lunch!

Fleeg, with Georgie - B Roll - 11 - Alas, your distraction is (possibly) fatal- you have been carried off by a large and fearsome spider, looking for lunch!

Ducky, with Lavauck Dunake - No roll

Búbosha, with Hashtag - B Roll - 13 - In an unbelievable come-from-behind burst of speed and with no help whatsoever from your trainer, you take advantage of Blinky's decision to pick a fight and... slither across the finish line in first place!!!!

STANDINGS AFTER FINAL ROUND
1st - Hashtag
2nd - Blinky
3rd - Cargûl
4th - Georgie
5th - Lavauck Dunake
6th - Smaug


Congratulations to Búbosha and Hashtag!!
Thread will remain open for a few days for everyone to make their final posts limping across the finish line.

Thank you for playing and be on the lookout for the next exciting Mordor game and future iterations of the one, the only, Lava Snake Racing!!

[Lady of Shadow]

Naelia with Smaug

"So much for using him in the next race!" Naelia thought to herself as she saw that Smaug was carried off by a rather large and fearsome spider, one of Shelob's spawn, obviously. But apparently, he wasn't the only one, since the same fate awaited one of the other snakes, a female by what her handler had been yelling and shouting, not that that helped much, but perhaps Naelia should have done the same (or inquired a Lava Snake that had a little more experience, which is what she was planning on doing for the next race, since these races did provide a little bit of entertainment as well as competition). She would still have a bit of a talk with her trusty Orcish helper, Orngor, that if he wanted to inquire a new Lava Snake for the next race, please make sure it has a little more experience competing, even if it meant he would have to train it himself.

Smaug seemed to be unlucky to the end, because just as he was finishing up with his last battle, a rather large and fearsome spider (one of the denizens of this land, apparently) carried him off to feast on, but at least he wouldn't be suffering this fate alone, because another fearsome spider was attempting to do the same thing to another Lava Snake, a female one from what he could make of her. Though Smaug wasn't expecting it to end like this, at least he wouldn't have to compete in any other races that he wasn't ready for.

[Zôrzimril]

Blinky

“Ssssssss!” (Tr: “What are you looking at?”)

Slither slither

“Sssssssss!” (Tr: “I said, what are you looking at??”)

Flail slither bite flail

Blinky had somehow become tangled in a fight. Why? Hadn’t his goal simply been to slither on home as quick as can be? What was the point of this?

These thoughts and more made him end his tussle and scoot along toward the finish line. The snake belonging to the friend of a friend of Reg’s had won! Blinky evaded the goblins like a goblin evades bathing - he did NOT want to be recognized.

He did linger for a moment to see if that wild snake might still be about. Perhaps he could give her a more specific location to visit than “the slopes of Mount Doom.”