Time for a change of pace. It has been suggested, by certain other members of the Plaza on Discord, that the presentation of one's youthful antics for the amusement of others is a laudable practice. As youngsters (ages 8-12, roughly), some friends and I had a tendency to improvise plays and musicals in our spare time, and then force our parents to watch them - with no shortage of silliness ensuing.
Sample titles include Movie Mix-Up, The Girl Who Had Bad Luck Eating Purple Jelly, The Cinnamon Story, The Crazy Camping Adventure, Animals vs. Flowers, Roman Times, Medieval Times, and The Russian Ballerina. The copies that I have of these plays exist because, well, if you think I’m organized now, you should have met my eleven-year-old self. After we had created a play, I would go home, sit down at the family computer upstairs, and type out not only a script, but also a complete cast breakdown by scene, and usually costume notes as well. In the same folder, I also kept copies of plays written by two or three members of the group, which were later performed with everyone – which brings us to the following.
I present, without further comment, an unedited excerpt from the unfinished play "Lost in the Silmarillion: Return to Aman", a sequel to Lost in the Silmarillion and Lost in the Silmarillion 2, written when I was no more than 10 or 11. Rachel (a girl from our world) is making an appeal to the Valar for the release of (her friend) Maedhros from the halls of Mandos, and the following chaos ensues. All errors of spelling, grammar, lore, or sanity are entirely the fault of my child self and I disclaim all responsibility for what follows.
Act Unnumbered:
The Council of the Valar
Rachel: [makes appeal]
Mandos: He cannot be let go. It is not possible. According to my list, he is not due to be released for 2000 years.
Aulë: He killed some of my dwarves!
Yavanna: Now, Aulë, stop crying like a baby. Your dwarves are more trouble than they’re worth! What about Menegroth?
Aulë: And I suppose you think your Oro- Ora- Orodh-
Yavanna: Orodrim; Ents.
Aulë: Whatever. I suppose you think that they’re better, right?
Yavanna: [Personally], I do, actually. They haven’t killed anyone but orcs.
Aulë: Well there you have it! Selfishness in a bottle!
Yavanna: Well, please explain why the bottle is sitting on YOUR chair? [Points to plastic bottle which is sitting on Aulë’s chair.]
Ulmo: Now, I’m supposed to break in here… What do I say? I rise in might! Wait, that’s Melkor’s line. It fits me well enough, though. Um…Well… Down under the Sea, Down under the Sea… Wait, I wasn’t supposed to say that [either].
Now, Mandos, don’t hold grudges. It’s ungrownuplike. Don’t blame the father for the son’s faults – I mean don’t blame the son for the father’s faults.
Estë: Can I go to sleep now?
Oromë: Maybe I should blow the Valaroma. NAHAR!
Estë: NO! I beg of you! It’s the bane of sleep!
Oromë: Oh brother.
Nessa: Can he dance? I need a dancing partner.
Tulkas: I thought I was your dancing partner.
Nessa: Only when you’re not chasing Melkor, which you do a lot.
Lorien: Melkor’s gone, people! Now we can finally have peace… and rest…
Manwë: Iluvatar, please council me! This is out of hand!
Varda: That’s the sensible way, Manwë. Get your directions from the One Who Knows Something.
Manwë: Meaning I don’t?
Varda: Manwë! Don’t mistake me purposely!
Manwë: Women!
Vairë: Will you all please stop arguing? Now I have to weave another whole tapestry depicting your bickering!
Nienna: This is so tragic!
Melkor’s undead spirit: I hate Fëanor!
Manwë: (Looking like a king concerned for loyal subjects) What was that?
Mandos: [Very afraid] Whatever it was, it reminded me of… of… of Tulkas fighting Eonwë!
Tulkas: I did no such thing!
Eonwë: He thought I was Melkor.
Nessa: How could you?
Tulkas: I couldn’t. For one thing, Melkor is much handsomer.
Lorien: Past tense.
Yavanna: Was past tense. I think Melkor is not quite as banished as we had hoped.
Mandos: Well, of course he’s not! Now really, in my records, his lieutenant will continue to trouble us for… 6000 years!
Varda: Will continue to trouble Middle-earth, you mean.
Nienna: And Numenor. This is so tragic!
Manwë: CAN WE PLEASE ADDRESS THE SUBJECT AT HAND???!!!
Aulë: Which is?
Varda: The appeal which was brought forward by Rachel daughter of [insert name here], concerning Maedhros’ imprisonment in the Halls of Mandos.
Manwë: Hannon le, Elbereth / Thank you, Varda. Now…
[Valar continue to debate in much more dignified manner]
She/her. Almarëa - Rivendell / Jaena - Lone Lands (T.A.) and Gondor (F.A.) / Layna - Mordor