Lord of the Rings Fanatics Plaza

At dawn, on a day which starts misty and cool, a dwarf arrives in Minas Tirith, home of the Men of Gondor. He is grey haired, and long in the beard, wearing all black. His boots are travel worn and the leather bindings at his forearms and legs bear scarring which tell tales of battle and narrowly missed blades. He pulls with him a hand wagon, from which he draws a frame and board. The dwarf chooses a central spot, which would usually be full of hustle and bustle from morning until sun down. He positions his board where all can see it, and taking hammer and nails secures this poster to the board:


He then stands, legs akimbo, thumbs hooked into his waist band and black cloak pushed back to reveal just the edges of the weaponry he carries.

Rules
RP your way up to the poster and the dwarf
Announce who this wanted individual is, what they are accused of and what reward you are offering (remember to use your best projecting voice)
Include any additional information which might help the law track down this shady character
Each round lasts 4 days, then there will be a winner, based on creativity and humour, and a new suspect (oooo)
Label your OOC

Wait - what was that?
Something distracted her on the way to HQ in the First Circle. Something that drew - nay, DEMANDED - Arnyn's attention.

A Dwarf with a hand wagon and a wanted poster was the culprit, but it wasn't so much the fact that there was a Dwarf in the White City, or that he had nailed a wanted poster to frame on his hand wagon that did it. No, it was something else.

He had a dangerous assortment of weapons strapped all over him, but it wasn't so much their shiny edges that did it, either. No, plenty of Men and Women of Gondor carried arms. It was something else.

It was the akimbo. Legs akimbo - by the King's surely smelly armpits - now THAT was something Arnyn didn't see every day.

Spurred on by the Dwarf's akimbo stance and general bearing, Arnyn felt the need bubbling up to nail a wanted poster of her own to that frame. However, she had no poster to nail, and no person to want. In many ways, hers was a sad life indeed. But she knew this Bolger the posted spoke of, and she would be damned if she let the opportunity pass her by to inform her fellow citizens of his heinous crime.

She strode her way over to the Dwarf and took up position next to him. "Hear ye, one and all!" Her voice was lower than usual, and carried well through the air. "Fredegar "Fatty" Bolger is wanted by the Throne of Khazad-Dûm as well as the Crown of the Reunited Kingdoms. His crime is the following:"

"Fatty Bolger has robbed traders of all their knitting needles and yarn across markets and shops in both Moria and Minas Tirith! This has left homemakers without woolen clothes to make, and growing children without much needed breeches! It is rumored that mr Bolger can move unheard and unseen by many, but you can be forewarned of his presence by the pungent smell of ripening cheese - his feet are larger than you might expect for such a small fellow - and a sense of impending doom!"

"Adventurous bountyhunters must also be warned that it is rumored mr Bolger is following a pattern! Caution is therefore strongly advised!"

Zev was off to cause mischief, though without much of a plan in mind, when he heard a loud announcement taking place. His head swiveled for the source of the shouting; it seemed to be coming from near a wagon set up by a dwarf. The wagon was interesting; it contained a single wanted poster, and someone- wait, he knew that someone- Arnyn, one of the more serious of the Rangers, was standing there, shouting about someone named Fatty Bolger.

He snorted, then a guffaw escaped him. What kind of a name was that? And smelly feet? Ripening cheese? He was laughing continuously by the time he reached them. He hopped up on a nearby box, deciding in the moment that he had a wanted ad to share.

"Hear ye, hear ye! All of Gondor!" He began, bellowing as loudly as his small stature would allow him. His shock of white hair whipped in the wind as he demanded the attention of Gondor's citizens. "Arnyn is wanted for being BORING. She could put an entire room to sleep before opening her mouth! Beware, that you are not taken in by her EPIC SERIOUSNESS, for it is catching! I am offering a bounty of TWO WILDBERRY PIES to the first citizen to capture her. She is about this tall," He held a hand out to show a height above his own, "And she looks... well, exactly like this person right here," He gestured, pointing toward Arnyn. "In fact, there she is! GET HER!"

And then he hopped down from the box with a grin and waited for chaos to ensue.

Arnyn's jaw dropped at Zev's rudeness. It was mean - and simply untrue! Luckily the people of Minas Tirith were much more familiar with her than they were with Zev, and no one stepped forward to try and attack her.
Her lips were twitching into a snarl, and one of the onlookers, who happened to be a pie merchant, stepped out of the crowd to put a hand on Arnyn's shoulder and a wildberry pie into her hands. "Here, lass," he said with a wink. "You show 'im how serious you are, ey?"

The snarl shaping into a smile, instead, Arnyn nodded in thanks to the merchant. "You're a life-saver," she whispered to him, and the next moment she hurled the wildberry pie at that annoying grin on Zev's face - with shocking precision.

(OOC: Not part of the game, but... @Mor Toast 's post demanded an answer.)

The dwarf pulled a bell from inside his cloak and rang it once....twice, and then holding it by the clapper he pointed the handle towards the woman who had spoken so clearly (Arnyn), "Tis you who is correct" he grunted, though no elation of success appeared in his eyes. With one hand he tore down the poster and thrust it at the woman. "This is a mark of your achievement". He then went back to the hand cart and pulled another roll of parchment out and tacked it up to the board, using the bell handle as a hammer. When he was done he took a deep breath and cried out in a voice which reverberated to Rohan and back:

"I put before you this wanted criminal. One so dark and dastardly that not even Sauron himself would dare to encounter. One so powerful and strong that all quailed before. Fall down on your knees in fear, unless you know where this miscreant can be found!"

Zev realized he had definitely gotten the wrong idea about Arnyn's serious demeanor when a pie hit him full in the face. It exploded all over, dripping onto his shirt and vest, and probably dying his hair purple and blue. He seemed to attract wildberry pie at ludicrously high rates. A loud guffaw escaped him, and he nearly choked as he inhaled a bit of pie. "I take it back!" he called out, "You're brilliantly mischievous. You're just better at hiding it than me." He tried to pull some of the pie off his shirt, but it was a lost cause. He shrugged to himself. Oh well.

Guess he would have to take his shirt off. He whipped it off and rolled it into a bunch, tucking it into a leather loop on his belt that he (believe it or not) kept for such purposes. Then he turned his attention to the new wanted poster.

"Attention, Gondorians!" he bellowed, shaking bits of berry everywhere in his excitement to announce the next criminal. "The Queen Smurf is wanted by the Shire Kitchen Staff! She has been hording large amounts of berries, presumably for bathing in! Beware her spoooky voice and electrifying gaze! You could be melted into a sugary glaze right where you stand! Reward offered is a cut of the special Shire berries she's been stealing!"

Ducky was simply trundling by, as was his wont, when he saw the poster. He quailed, and fell on his knees in fear. "Valar save us!" he cried. "The end is nigh! She is dark and beautiful. I love her, but I seem to be despairing!"

Then he heard what else the dwarf had said.

"Oh, oh, oh. UNLESS you know where the miscreant can be found!" Ducky laughed. "Why of course I know where she can be found," he said. "She is, after all, my ex-girlfriend! I still love her, but I despaired of ever getting her to love me back. She had a lot of lovers, you know? One might say all shall love her. I was willing to put up with a lot too," he continued, "but when she gave away her hair to a dwar---I mean, to another fellow," he amended hastily, remembering to whom he was speaking, "I realized I would never have her heart. Anyhow, that's all backstory now. Not sure where she's living at the moment exactly, but I'm sure if you ask around in Edoras, or Minas Tirith, or Lake-Town..."

Ducky paused and reflected a moment. "In fact, really you could ask in just about any town. There's probably someone just about anywhere who had her break their heart. I assume that's why she's wanted, or maybe this is just an elaborate ruse to catch her in a relationship itself. Am I right?" he asked, elbowing the dwarf with a friendly smile in the ribs.