Rivvy’s Rambles on Writing
[under construction placeholder. Will fill out later]
Spectacular. Iconic. Breathtaking. A lot of other affirming words that will garner me points, *not* that I care for filthy lucre.
Agreed, this is stellar work. The choice to use square brackets around the placeholder instead of parentheses shows a clear command of the elements of style, while the casual incorrect capitalization and missing punctuation subverts it expertly, showing that you have not only mastered but indeed transcended the art of language. Truly a top notch ramble placeholder.
I never learn.. Never read anything you write while drinking tea!! 18 years and still doing it..Narv wrote: ↑Tue Jul 07, 2020 6:38 pm Agreed, this is stellar work. The choice to use square brackets around the placeholder instead of parentheses shows a clear command of the elements of style, while the casual incorrect capitalization and missing punctuation subverts it expertly, showing that you have not only mastered but indeed transcended the art of language. Truly a top notch ramble placeholder.
I love all of you
Well you couldn't get a more fitting opening to a thread containing my rambles on writing. Why am I doing this? I'm going to be a teacher, probably teaching in a classroom in the middle of a pandemic. There's a chance that I will get COVID-19 and get permanently scarred from it since. So in case I lose my mind, I'm going to write down the thoughts to various aspects of my writing to preserve it for up until the Internet breaks, hopefully. So without further ado...
Rivvy's Rambles on Writing presents: ROLEPLAYING POST ANNOTATION
This is where Rivvy rambles on a recent RP post he did in terms of writing construction, strategy, idioms, cliches, regrets, change-of-decisions, and other information that would make an agent yell at Rivvy for spoiling his trade secrets.
RP post: BATTLE OF SUDDEN FLAME FLAME, POISON, AND LIGHTNING, located in the Ages of Arda RPG (viewtopic.php?f=10&t=297)
Context: Ages of Arda is an RPG spanning the entire history of middle earth. Currently, the post is taking place during the Battle of Sudden Flame.
RP post summary: General Eärcolanté and his cavalry try to flee from Morgoth's fiery rage. Lightning bolts further cut down the cavalry. At the end, General Eärcolanté's horse catches on fire.
In case you have no idea what The Battle of Sudden Flame is, it's when Morgoth, the first dark lord, turns the tide against the elves and begins his destruction of the elven kingdoms that are sometimes referenced in LOTR and The Hobbit. Currently a lot of the elven cavalry are stationed right next door to Morgoth's 3 volcanic mountains. So when the Dark Lord finally has his volcanoes erupt, the cavalry are forced to flee.
This post occurs midway through the flight. I am using multiple perspectives from multiple characters. It begins from the perspective of the general with "The cacophony deafened the frenzied gallop from his horse" because normally a horse galloping is loud from the perspective of the rider, but there's so much outside noise that a gallup becomes obscured. Anyone who ever been near a Dark Lord-powered volcanic eruption of this magnitude can probably imagine how loud it can be. The next sentence notates white steam coming from the land. Originally I was going to do sublimation, going directly from snow and ice to gas, but I decided to make it "appear" to be so to make it more scientifically plausible. "Liquid stage" is lingo from my science classes and may not have been the best fit here.
What makes good writing great is the addition of small details that actually are important but may not appear immediately. Two of them occur in the opening paragraphs: the snow becoming steam causing the cavalry to actually ride faster, and the inclusion of Ulmo lore. I planned the first small detail out before I made the post, giving a small realistic increase in the odds of survival, but the one in regards to Ulmo was a spur-of-the-moment decision as I placed myself in Eärcolanté's shoes and suddenly remembered that Ulmo was one of the few Valar who still actively protected the elves. Literary inclusions like these not only tie in nicely with the lore, but helps foreshadow later Ulmo interventions like Tuor in Gondolin. Whether or not it Ulmo actually did anything doesn't matter, because what's more important that it is plausible that an elf can believe that Ulmo did it to increase hope, which is a theme throughout Tolkien's writing. I infer the hope aspect in the second to last sentence.
Of course, realism dictates that rivers of flame and pyrochlastic flow will quickly dissipate the mist, so that of course happens.
These are two very short paragraphs. The first one I use the "blackening sky itself seemed to briefly shine brighter than even the sun" for multiple purposes. The first is clearly contrast, with darkness and light. The second hints to the reader what's about to happen, a lightning strike. The third, the Sun from the Silmarillion was made from the leftovers of one of the two trees, so here it appears that Morgoth's machinations achieved greater power than even the Valar's creation. This one sentence paragraph may seem short, but it contains a lot of connotations that even I may not know about.
The next short paragraph confirms the reader's possible suspicions (or corrects them). It is not immediately why "drop your weapons" is in there, because 1. the reason why Eärcolanté says this will be apparent in the next two POVs. 2. I trust the intelligence of most of my readers to either suspect it and be happy in their correct prediction, and 3. removing the explanation doesn't take away from the drama, and probably increases it.
This is a one-shot original character I created. Líruima being a captain is significant because that was the prior rank of Eärcolanté's when AoA stopped on the old plaza. Here I quickly demonstrate her preparedness and readiness, catching her up from the beginning of the battle to the present in two sentences. Now some writers may be tempted to put a little backstory in here. I deliberately chose not to at this point because it would've broke the rhythm of the flight. Keep the rhythm going! The difference in her interpretation of the mist is subtle but it further highlights her quality of focusing on the job at hand.
The significance of "Spread out" is layered. First it adds to Líruima's competence. Second, it hints at Eärcolanté's leadership style: sub-commanders have leadership power in his cavalry. Third, for the insightful reader who knows about electricity, two riders too closely together will get hit by one lightning bolt. Fourth, Ulmo's mist probably allowed them the milliseconds to spread out. There may be other layers I haven't came up with yet.
Here in paragraph 9, even though Líruima dropped her weapon, the tragic consequence of her readiness will cost her. The first hints are the hair floating upwards, as this happens prior to a lot of lightning victims being struck. Another cookie for the reader if they knew this already. The next paragraph is when she is struck mid-curse. It was mid-curse for two reasons: to show the immediacy of the bolt, and perhaps to hint that Morgoth himself struck down the horseman for cursing his name (using a name he despises, no less!).
Paragraph 10 is the eulogy paragraph. The first two sentences confirms to the reader that Líruima was struck and killed. The phrasing "So fell" is something I either echo from Tolkien or the LOTR movies. "Rising captain" indicates her future would've been bright. I specifically wrote that she chose to not have children as a lore reference to "Morgoth's Ring's section on the laws and customs of elves," and it makes sense as well. But primarily, this sentence was to strike a chord in most of the readers in some way or another. The last sentence of the eulogy refocuses on Líruima's primary desire to be in the military and her promise, as if to hint that these military notes were more valuable to her than her decision to not have children. I was debating whether or not to swap the last two sentences out, but I chose to focus on the military aspects of this one-shot character.
Oof, from one spectrum of competency to another with Rúmilo. The first paragraph is fairly straightforward callbacks to "I thought this was going to be all fun and games" invoked from pieces like All Quiet on the Western Front, to despair using Middle-Earth terminology. Remember when I brought up how Ulmo helped the cavalry? Here in this viewpoint we see someone thinking the other direction regarding the other Valar, who apparently have deserted the elves. In my personal philosophy, I always point out the lack of action is often times as significant as action (which derives from basic Daoist philosophy). Here I make it obvious for the reader the...heh... yin- to Ulmo's yang.
I had Rúmilo sob in the mane for multiple possible reasons. Perhaps he's trying to hide it, protect himself, and stay on the horse at the same time? Either way his concentration is clearly not on Eärcolanté's orders as he sees his implied role model, Líruima being killed. The next sentence is blatant foreshadowing :D if you know the lore.
His thoughts gets interrupted, perhaps with some readers shaking their heads at how this recruit did not even remove the barding from the horse. It is implied that he wasn't killed by the lightning bolt however as we get to see his last moments. Rúmilo dies in despair, seeing soldiers better than himself get struck down. I added the point about all his tears drying due to science, and well you'll be dehyrdrated soon too if rivers of flame rush at you! The eulogy was briefer than the one regarding Líruima, where this one focused on him being the progeny of others dying. Could also serve as a subtle contrast between him and the captain. I made the point of pointing out how there would be "no body to return to the waters" as references to elves going into the west, bodies like Boromir being transported along rivers, etc. Rúmilo gets no such honor like the others here, unfortunately.
Now this wasn't planned at all actually, and only on retrospect did I realize I sorta did a summary of the deaths in the post for impatient readers in paragraph 15.
It is unfortunate that the old AoA is on the old plaza, otherwise I would not have been so blatant as to show how the deaths of the soldiers moved Eärcolanté. Anyone who remembers the old AoA remembers him as an aloof elf with a checkered past who... isn't good at showing feelings. If this were the old AoA, I would've merely put the description of the winter frost on an emerging spring. This imagery is a callback to a similar image used by Tolkien in LOTR in describing Eowyn I believe. Eowyn and Eärcolanté are not that similar though, so that's the end of that comparison.
Second to last paragraph is where I show the upcoming danger that will befall our general. Kicking a horse does not sound really elvenlike, right? Here it shows the desperation. The gas appearing from the horse is the first hint to the reader that something awful is going to happen. The next hint is the general's hands which I show (rather than tell) how burnt they are. This is realistic because this is a death-adrenaline-pumping situation and we have no time for noticing burns until they are too late! For the last sentence of paragraph 16, I actually had to research horse hair terms and hopefully incorporated them correctly into the post.
And the last paragraph makes it obvious to the reader, and provides a good ending point (but what happens next?!) for our post. Create that anticipation, win over readers, and have them craving for your next post! Probably one of the oldest tricks in the book.
~~~
So there you have it, an Annotation of one of my RP posts. Questions, comments, suggestions? Feel free to bring them up!
Rivvy's Rambles on Writing presents: ROLEPLAYING POST ANNOTATION
This is where Rivvy rambles on a recent RP post he did in terms of writing construction, strategy, idioms, cliches, regrets, change-of-decisions, and other information that would make an agent yell at Rivvy for spoiling his trade secrets.
RP post: BATTLE OF SUDDEN FLAME FLAME, POISON, AND LIGHTNING, located in the Ages of Arda RPG (viewtopic.php?f=10&t=297)
Context: Ages of Arda is an RPG spanning the entire history of middle earth. Currently, the post is taking place during the Battle of Sudden Flame.
RP post summary: General Eärcolanté and his cavalry try to flee from Morgoth's fiery rage. Lightning bolts further cut down the cavalry. At the end, General Eärcolanté's horse catches on fire.
In case you have no idea what The Battle of Sudden Flame is, it's when Morgoth, the first dark lord, turns the tide against the elves and begins his destruction of the elven kingdoms that are sometimes referenced in LOTR and The Hobbit. Currently a lot of the elven cavalry are stationed right next door to Morgoth's 3 volcanic mountains. So when the Dark Lord finally has his volcanoes erupt, the cavalry are forced to flee.
Main writing paragraphs 1-2: Eärcolanté POV
This post occurs midway through the flight. I am using multiple perspectives from multiple characters. It begins from the perspective of the general with "The cacophony deafened the frenzied gallop from his horse" because normally a horse galloping is loud from the perspective of the rider, but there's so much outside noise that a gallup becomes obscured. Anyone who ever been near a Dark Lord-powered volcanic eruption of this magnitude can probably imagine how loud it can be. The next sentence notates white steam coming from the land. Originally I was going to do sublimation, going directly from snow and ice to gas, but I decided to make it "appear" to be so to make it more scientifically plausible. "Liquid stage" is lingo from my science classes and may not have been the best fit here.
What makes good writing great is the addition of small details that actually are important but may not appear immediately. Two of them occur in the opening paragraphs: the snow becoming steam causing the cavalry to actually ride faster, and the inclusion of Ulmo lore. I planned the first small detail out before I made the post, giving a small realistic increase in the odds of survival, but the one in regards to Ulmo was a spur-of-the-moment decision as I placed myself in Eärcolanté's shoes and suddenly remembered that Ulmo was one of the few Valar who still actively protected the elves. Literary inclusions like these not only tie in nicely with the lore, but helps foreshadow later Ulmo interventions like Tuor in Gondolin. Whether or not it Ulmo actually did anything doesn't matter, because what's more important that it is plausible that an elf can believe that Ulmo did it to increase hope, which is a theme throughout Tolkien's writing. I infer the hope aspect in the second to last sentence.
Of course, realism dictates that rivers of flame and pyrochlastic flow will quickly dissipate the mist, so that of course happens.
Main writing paragraphs 3-4: Eärcolanté POV
These are two very short paragraphs. The first one I use the "blackening sky itself seemed to briefly shine brighter than even the sun" for multiple purposes. The first is clearly contrast, with darkness and light. The second hints to the reader what's about to happen, a lightning strike. The third, the Sun from the Silmarillion was made from the leftovers of one of the two trees, so here it appears that Morgoth's machinations achieved greater power than even the Valar's creation. This one sentence paragraph may seem short, but it contains a lot of connotations that even I may not know about.
The next short paragraph confirms the reader's possible suspicions (or corrects them). It is not immediately why "drop your weapons" is in there, because 1. the reason why Eärcolanté says this will be apparent in the next two POVs. 2. I trust the intelligence of most of my readers to either suspect it and be happy in their correct prediction, and 3. removing the explanation doesn't take away from the drama, and probably increases it.
Main writing paragraphs 5-7: Líruima POV
This is a one-shot original character I created. Líruima being a captain is significant because that was the prior rank of Eärcolanté's when AoA stopped on the old plaza. Here I quickly demonstrate her preparedness and readiness, catching her up from the beginning of the battle to the present in two sentences. Now some writers may be tempted to put a little backstory in here. I deliberately chose not to at this point because it would've broke the rhythm of the flight. Keep the rhythm going! The difference in her interpretation of the mist is subtle but it further highlights her quality of focusing on the job at hand.
Main writing paragraphs 8-10: Líruima POV
The significance of "Spread out" is layered. First it adds to Líruima's competence. Second, it hints at Eärcolanté's leadership style: sub-commanders have leadership power in his cavalry. Third, for the insightful reader who knows about electricity, two riders too closely together will get hit by one lightning bolt. Fourth, Ulmo's mist probably allowed them the milliseconds to spread out. There may be other layers I haven't came up with yet.
Here in paragraph 9, even though Líruima dropped her weapon, the tragic consequence of her readiness will cost her. The first hints are the hair floating upwards, as this happens prior to a lot of lightning victims being struck. Another cookie for the reader if they knew this already. The next paragraph is when she is struck mid-curse. It was mid-curse for two reasons: to show the immediacy of the bolt, and perhaps to hint that Morgoth himself struck down the horseman for cursing his name (using a name he despises, no less!).
Paragraph 10 is the eulogy paragraph. The first two sentences confirms to the reader that Líruima was struck and killed. The phrasing "So fell" is something I either echo from Tolkien or the LOTR movies. "Rising captain" indicates her future would've been bright. I specifically wrote that she chose to not have children as a lore reference to "Morgoth's Ring's section on the laws and customs of elves," and it makes sense as well. But primarily, this sentence was to strike a chord in most of the readers in some way or another. The last sentence of the eulogy refocuses on Líruima's primary desire to be in the military and her promise, as if to hint that these military notes were more valuable to her than her decision to not have children. I was debating whether or not to swap the last two sentences out, but I chose to focus on the military aspects of this one-shot character.
Main writing paragraphs 11-14: Rúmilo POV
Oof, from one spectrum of competency to another with Rúmilo. The first paragraph is fairly straightforward callbacks to "I thought this was going to be all fun and games" invoked from pieces like All Quiet on the Western Front, to despair using Middle-Earth terminology. Remember when I brought up how Ulmo helped the cavalry? Here in this viewpoint we see someone thinking the other direction regarding the other Valar, who apparently have deserted the elves. In my personal philosophy, I always point out the lack of action is often times as significant as action (which derives from basic Daoist philosophy). Here I make it obvious for the reader the...heh... yin- to Ulmo's yang.
I had Rúmilo sob in the mane for multiple possible reasons. Perhaps he's trying to hide it, protect himself, and stay on the horse at the same time? Either way his concentration is clearly not on Eärcolanté's orders as he sees his implied role model, Líruima being killed. The next sentence is blatant foreshadowing :D if you know the lore.
His thoughts gets interrupted, perhaps with some readers shaking their heads at how this recruit did not even remove the barding from the horse. It is implied that he wasn't killed by the lightning bolt however as we get to see his last moments. Rúmilo dies in despair, seeing soldiers better than himself get struck down. I added the point about all his tears drying due to science, and well you'll be dehyrdrated soon too if rivers of flame rush at you! The eulogy was briefer than the one regarding Líruima, where this one focused on him being the progeny of others dying. Could also serve as a subtle contrast between him and the captain. I made the point of pointing out how there would be "no body to return to the waters" as references to elves going into the west, bodies like Boromir being transported along rivers, etc. Rúmilo gets no such honor like the others here, unfortunately.
Main writing paragraphs 15-17: Eärcolanté POV
Now this wasn't planned at all actually, and only on retrospect did I realize I sorta did a summary of the deaths in the post for impatient readers in paragraph 15.
It is unfortunate that the old AoA is on the old plaza, otherwise I would not have been so blatant as to show how the deaths of the soldiers moved Eärcolanté. Anyone who remembers the old AoA remembers him as an aloof elf with a checkered past who... isn't good at showing feelings. If this were the old AoA, I would've merely put the description of the winter frost on an emerging spring. This imagery is a callback to a similar image used by Tolkien in LOTR in describing Eowyn I believe. Eowyn and Eärcolanté are not that similar though, so that's the end of that comparison.
Second to last paragraph is where I show the upcoming danger that will befall our general. Kicking a horse does not sound really elvenlike, right? Here it shows the desperation. The gas appearing from the horse is the first hint to the reader that something awful is going to happen. The next hint is the general's hands which I show (rather than tell) how burnt they are. This is realistic because this is a death-adrenaline-pumping situation and we have no time for noticing burns until they are too late! For the last sentence of paragraph 16, I actually had to research horse hair terms and hopefully incorporated them correctly into the post.
And the last paragraph makes it obvious to the reader, and provides a good ending point (but what happens next?!) for our post. Create that anticipation, win over readers, and have them craving for your next post! Probably one of the oldest tricks in the book.
~~~
So there you have it, an Annotation of one of my RP posts. Questions, comments, suggestions? Feel free to bring them up!
Rivvy's Rambles on Writing presents: ROLEPLAYING POST ANNOTATION
This is where Rivvy rambles on a recent RP post he did in terms of writing construction, strategy, idioms, cliches, regrets, change-of-decisions, and other information that would make an agent yell at Rivvy for spoiling his trade secrets.
RP post: BATTLE OF SUDDEN FLAME FLAME, BURNING, located in the Ages of Arda RPG (viewtopic.php?f=10&t=297&start=50
Context: Ages of Arda is an RPG spanning the entire history of middle earth. Currently, the post is taking place during the Battle of Sudden Flame.
RP post summary: General Eärcolanté's horse is ablaze, but he controls it long enough for him to get to Barad Eithel. He's a burning elf and streaks to the war room to announce that the cavalry is almost all annihilated.
Before we begin, I need to point out something. Originally this post was supposed to include the deaths of the 4 remaining named riders that I referenced in the last post (outside of Nemir, who is Aerlinn's character). But I decided to concentrate the post on Eärcolanté, because the last post ended on a cliffhanger with the horse on fire. I'm assuming the reader who is paying attention to my posts would prefer to place all their attention on the pressing situation of the general, rather than the other riders.
First paragraph is fairly straightforward. It directly connects from the cliffhanger from the prior post, in case the reader forgot. I also give a bit of reasoning why he doesn't combust as well (yet), hinting about his backstory.
We get to see a bit of the terror in the next paragraph, where the horse's screaming is audible even with everything going around the rider. Before that, I looked on youtube for clips of horses screaming, and an exaggeration of the noise would be metal being ripped apart. It also originally was going to be "fiber by fiber," then "tendril by tendril," until I finally went with just "ripped by the tendril." The slightly bucking horse was another minor detail added in.
Paragraph 3 is a character-defining one. This paragraph was crafted with care, as I was trying to make the action impressive yet not completely unrealistic (in a fantasy RPG), putting in more hints to the elf's backstory (his age, his eyes). The far-off land referenced, to the astute reader, could be Valinor. The red hands were a callback to the prior post, where his hands become red in the end. I pointed out how at this perilous moment, he's not letting the emotion show on his face, no grit of teeth, no frown. Voices have power in Tolkien's world, and here Eärcolanté puts what mortals would consider "elven magic" to use, when it's really a combination of his willpower, his relationship with the horse, and his grip. I hint more at just how old he is, and I end it leading to the next paragraph.
So paragraph 4 is a stand-alone, two sentence dialogue section. Let's talk about what I decided not to do. I did not put any exclamation marks, and I did not make a long dialogue. I kept the words short and concise for clarity and realism. If I put exclamation marks here, then it makes it seem he's trying to possess the horse. By not doing that, the elf is being assertive, yet not dictatorial. Here the two sentences work as I try to make the next paragraph make sense to the reader.
Thus what happens is the horse redirects their panic to the job at hand. I added in the detail of Eärcolanté being close to the horse because that helps eliminate air resistance from the rider and saves time, which an experienced rider like this elf realizes. Here I elaborate on his eyes again, the light from his own eyes overcoming the heat, creating a breath of fresh air. Add a bit more "elven power" by having the elf stem the immolation of his clothing just a little bit. It's a hope spot for the reader, and I wrap up the paragraph discussing how the fortress is close.
Realism catches up in paragraph 6. The next line of defense for our elf is his sweat, which isn't enough to douse his clothes that are on fire. The wording "melting snow" originally was "melting ice," which I felt was a little too leading for the topic of the next paragraph. Snow fits here as a callback to the previous post and the reader also remembers that this is happening in the winter where snow is usually on the ground. Here we also see hints of his hair about to be ablaze as well. He does not show pain because even humans don't realize how painful their burns are, much less elves. There is light at the end of the tunnel though; I increase the hope spot for Eärcolanté.
Now paragraph 7 takes us to what appears to be a flashback or a vision of sorts. The only thing that remains the same is the sky, while everything else has went from extreme heat to extreme cold. Science says that you will get burns in both situations if you’re not careful. Here I'm more explicit, and the reader now knows that this elf survived the Grinding Ice. The two elves going into the water are clearly people that Eärcolanté cares about, leading him to urge himself towards the spot where they were last seen. Notice how he actually visibly appears panicked in contrast to how calm he was when he was directing his horse onwards. I repeat the usage of "crackle akin to rusty metal being ripped by the tendril" on purpose. For one, ice sheets cracking does indeed make a great sound, and two, the astute reader recalls when I used it before and will anticipate what will happen in the next paragraph. This contrast is done on purpose. I also chose not to elaborate further on the relationship with the two elves, and let the reader figure out who those are. More incentive for the reader to figure out the mystery and unravel more and more about Eärcolanté.
The horse collapses, and screamed again probably, as a reader could speculate that the usage of the same term meant that the horse screamed once more. Regardless, our beloved is horse is down for the count permanently. But I switch focus back to the elf, as he is also on fire and possibly close to death. I add in details that would happen, having the bounded item on his back reveal itself through the flames as a spear. Notice how Eärcolanté injures himself from the spear. I would suggest remembering that aspect since the spear indeed has a history. He runs through the gate, and I add another detail as the lightning hits the gate on top. Perhaps Melkor was directing the lightning strike towards the elf but the flag stood in the way? In the last sentence I included more details to show the urgency. Like Eärcolanté not stopping to be doused.
We now move to the war room. I had him be doused offscreen because if he wasn't doused than that says a lot about how unready these soldiers are, which is simply not true. Hithlum had some of the hardiest soldiers in the wars against Morgoth. I elaborate the effects the fires have had on his body, and its not pretty. I don't go into that much detail, but let's just say our elf has seen better days. If you notice, he's naked since his clothes all burned off. But that's not important at all and focusing on things like his abdominal muscles at this point would detract from the message of the post. I acknowledge the previous poster, Turin Ringhûn, who posted as Hador, who is in the war council.
The elf speaks, notice all the ellipses, which could show fatigue or regret or whatever emotion the reader can interpret. He also apologizes at the end. Remember that, because Eärcolanté rarely apologizes.
The post ends with him falling facefirst to the floor. Ouch. Hopefully somebody will escort him to the healing section to get those wounds fixed! The final quote at the end provides the lore evidence for his hardiness.
Finally, did you notice something interesting? Not once did I use the word "general" here. He is by himself, for one, and two he is acting like a soldier. There are so no troops for Eärcolanté to command. Preset hierarchies crumble in times of chaos, so that the Battle of Sudden Flame made everyone in the Ard-Galen, regardless of experience, as mortal as a regular soldier.
So that was the end of the flight from the Ard-Galen. This post was the final part of the 3-parts. We started off with an entire cavalry, and now our elf is lying unconscious on a cold floor with almost all of his subordinates killed.
~~~
So there you have it, an Annotation of one of my RP posts. Questions, comments, suggestions? Feel free to bring them up!
This is where Rivvy rambles on a recent RP post he did in terms of writing construction, strategy, idioms, cliches, regrets, change-of-decisions, and other information that would make an agent yell at Rivvy for spoiling his trade secrets.
RP post: BATTLE OF SUDDEN FLAME FLAME, BURNING, located in the Ages of Arda RPG (viewtopic.php?f=10&t=297&start=50
Context: Ages of Arda is an RPG spanning the entire history of middle earth. Currently, the post is taking place during the Battle of Sudden Flame.
RP post summary: General Eärcolanté's horse is ablaze, but he controls it long enough for him to get to Barad Eithel. He's a burning elf and streaks to the war room to announce that the cavalry is almost all annihilated.
Before we begin, I need to point out something. Originally this post was supposed to include the deaths of the 4 remaining named riders that I referenced in the last post (outside of Nemir, who is Aerlinn's character). But I decided to concentrate the post on Eärcolanté, because the last post ended on a cliffhanger with the horse on fire. I'm assuming the reader who is paying attention to my posts would prefer to place all their attention on the pressing situation of the general, rather than the other riders.
Let's get started with Paragraphs 1-2:
First paragraph is fairly straightforward. It directly connects from the cliffhanger from the prior post, in case the reader forgot. I also give a bit of reasoning why he doesn't combust as well (yet), hinting about his backstory.
We get to see a bit of the terror in the next paragraph, where the horse's screaming is audible even with everything going around the rider. Before that, I looked on youtube for clips of horses screaming, and an exaggeration of the noise would be metal being ripped apart. It also originally was going to be "fiber by fiber," then "tendril by tendril," until I finally went with just "ripped by the tendril." The slightly bucking horse was another minor detail added in.
Paragraphs 3-5
Paragraph 3 is a character-defining one. This paragraph was crafted with care, as I was trying to make the action impressive yet not completely unrealistic (in a fantasy RPG), putting in more hints to the elf's backstory (his age, his eyes). The far-off land referenced, to the astute reader, could be Valinor. The red hands were a callback to the prior post, where his hands become red in the end. I pointed out how at this perilous moment, he's not letting the emotion show on his face, no grit of teeth, no frown. Voices have power in Tolkien's world, and here Eärcolanté puts what mortals would consider "elven magic" to use, when it's really a combination of his willpower, his relationship with the horse, and his grip. I hint more at just how old he is, and I end it leading to the next paragraph.
So paragraph 4 is a stand-alone, two sentence dialogue section. Let's talk about what I decided not to do. I did not put any exclamation marks, and I did not make a long dialogue. I kept the words short and concise for clarity and realism. If I put exclamation marks here, then it makes it seem he's trying to possess the horse. By not doing that, the elf is being assertive, yet not dictatorial. Here the two sentences work as I try to make the next paragraph make sense to the reader.
Thus what happens is the horse redirects their panic to the job at hand. I added in the detail of Eärcolanté being close to the horse because that helps eliminate air resistance from the rider and saves time, which an experienced rider like this elf realizes. Here I elaborate on his eyes again, the light from his own eyes overcoming the heat, creating a breath of fresh air. Add a bit more "elven power" by having the elf stem the immolation of his clothing just a little bit. It's a hope spot for the reader, and I wrap up the paragraph discussing how the fortress is close.
Paragraphs 6-8
Realism catches up in paragraph 6. The next line of defense for our elf is his sweat, which isn't enough to douse his clothes that are on fire. The wording "melting snow" originally was "melting ice," which I felt was a little too leading for the topic of the next paragraph. Snow fits here as a callback to the previous post and the reader also remembers that this is happening in the winter where snow is usually on the ground. Here we also see hints of his hair about to be ablaze as well. He does not show pain because even humans don't realize how painful their burns are, much less elves. There is light at the end of the tunnel though; I increase the hope spot for Eärcolanté.
Now paragraph 7 takes us to what appears to be a flashback or a vision of sorts. The only thing that remains the same is the sky, while everything else has went from extreme heat to extreme cold. Science says that you will get burns in both situations if you’re not careful. Here I'm more explicit, and the reader now knows that this elf survived the Grinding Ice. The two elves going into the water are clearly people that Eärcolanté cares about, leading him to urge himself towards the spot where they were last seen. Notice how he actually visibly appears panicked in contrast to how calm he was when he was directing his horse onwards. I repeat the usage of "crackle akin to rusty metal being ripped by the tendril" on purpose. For one, ice sheets cracking does indeed make a great sound, and two, the astute reader recalls when I used it before and will anticipate what will happen in the next paragraph. This contrast is done on purpose. I also chose not to elaborate further on the relationship with the two elves, and let the reader figure out who those are. More incentive for the reader to figure out the mystery and unravel more and more about Eärcolanté.
The horse collapses, and screamed again probably, as a reader could speculate that the usage of the same term meant that the horse screamed once more. Regardless, our beloved is horse is down for the count permanently. But I switch focus back to the elf, as he is also on fire and possibly close to death. I add in details that would happen, having the bounded item on his back reveal itself through the flames as a spear. Notice how Eärcolanté injures himself from the spear. I would suggest remembering that aspect since the spear indeed has a history. He runs through the gate, and I add another detail as the lightning hits the gate on top. Perhaps Melkor was directing the lightning strike towards the elf but the flag stood in the way? In the last sentence I included more details to show the urgency. Like Eärcolanté not stopping to be doused.
Paragraphs 9-11
We now move to the war room. I had him be doused offscreen because if he wasn't doused than that says a lot about how unready these soldiers are, which is simply not true. Hithlum had some of the hardiest soldiers in the wars against Morgoth. I elaborate the effects the fires have had on his body, and its not pretty. I don't go into that much detail, but let's just say our elf has seen better days. If you notice, he's naked since his clothes all burned off. But that's not important at all and focusing on things like his abdominal muscles at this point would detract from the message of the post. I acknowledge the previous poster, Turin Ringhûn, who posted as Hador, who is in the war council.
The elf speaks, notice all the ellipses, which could show fatigue or regret or whatever emotion the reader can interpret. He also apologizes at the end. Remember that, because Eärcolanté rarely apologizes.
The post ends with him falling facefirst to the floor. Ouch. Hopefully somebody will escort him to the healing section to get those wounds fixed! The final quote at the end provides the lore evidence for his hardiness.
Finally, did you notice something interesting? Not once did I use the word "general" here. He is by himself, for one, and two he is acting like a soldier. There are so no troops for Eärcolanté to command. Preset hierarchies crumble in times of chaos, so that the Battle of Sudden Flame made everyone in the Ard-Galen, regardless of experience, as mortal as a regular soldier.
So that was the end of the flight from the Ard-Galen. This post was the final part of the 3-parts. We started off with an entire cavalry, and now our elf is lying unconscious on a cold floor with almost all of his subordinates killed.
~~~
So there you have it, an Annotation of one of my RP posts. Questions, comments, suggestions? Feel free to bring them up!
As someone who has been reading your RP for many years now, I have to say these are very interesting insights. I believed myself to be rather familiar with the characters you have written for a while, but you always prove there are more layers to unravel. 
That is the hope, @Ercassie! What was that tale of Two Cities quote where one never truly knows another person? Another quote that comes to mind is Gandalf being continually amazed at the new things he learns about hobbits even though he's been studying and interacting with them for a long long time.
People are complicated, very few are very straightforward and that is usually because they have not experienced much life outside their metaphorical "well." See the Shire. In the realms of Beleriand and Middle-Earth, particularly elves, the context is at times both static and chaotic, leading to potential character development. Life creates layers after all. This is not exclusive to elves, but dwarves, men, and hobbits as well.
Once an author is able to have their character(s) have all of these complex layers, yet the author finds their own personality has not changed in the same direction as their characters, then that is when an author can realize that they have disassociated with their character. That they have indeed created a new entity, which is significant in the context of Tolkien, as we know from Eru/Aule vs. Melkor.
People are complicated, very few are very straightforward and that is usually because they have not experienced much life outside their metaphorical "well." See the Shire. In the realms of Beleriand and Middle-Earth, particularly elves, the context is at times both static and chaotic, leading to potential character development. Life creates layers after all. This is not exclusive to elves, but dwarves, men, and hobbits as well.
Once an author is able to have their character(s) have all of these complex layers, yet the author finds their own personality has not changed in the same direction as their characters, then that is when an author can realize that they have disassociated with their character. That they have indeed created a new entity, which is significant in the context of Tolkien, as we know from Eru/Aule vs. Melkor.
Rivvy's Rambles on Writing presents: ROLEPLAYING POST ANNOTATION
This is where Rivvy rambles on a recent RP post he did in terms of writing construction, strategy, idioms, cliches, regrets, change-of-decisions, and other information that would make an agent yell at Rivvy for spoiling his trade secrets.
RP post: Fangorn in the Forest of Neldoreth, located in the Ages of Arda RPG (viewtopic.php?f=10&t=297&start=50)
Context: Ages of Arda is an RPG spanning the entire history of middle earth. Currently, the post is taking place in the very protected Doriath during the Battle of Sudden Flame.
RP Post Summary: Fangorn's first post in this RPG. He decides to stay in Doriath for the winter to further investigate its beech trees. Noticing Galadriel, he greets her and asks what is on her mind.
Notes prior to post: So, this was my first time RPing as an ent, and what a big responsibility from the get-go to roleplay as Treebeard! This was arranged almost on a whim in Discord. I was asked by the GM, Aigronding, to play Treebeard as the GM thought I would be great as an ent. After all, I kinda have been sounding like one in real life. But anyways, I agreed and then we worked on the timeline on when and where to put him in. What is interesting about Treebeard is that he makes multiple references to "the Great Darkness" that came from "the North." He's not talking about Angmar, he's talking about Morgoth, because Treebeard references Morgoth's defeat before the Entwives were eradicated by Sauron in the second age. Once Morgoth came from the North, that was when the sundering of the Ents and the Entwives began, when the Entwives moved beyond the Anduin river.
At the same time, if the sundering occurred before the Battle of Sudden Flame, that kinda would downplay the very concept of a "Long Peace." Especially because Treebeard explicitly stated that the Entwives craved peace above all, as in their gardens not being disturbed by malevolence. So we hypothesized that it was the Battle of Sudden Flame that is the trigger for Morgoth's permanency as Beleriand's threat. We made more plans surrounding this, but you'll hopefully see that unfold as time goes on in the RPG. I've communicated with various members behind the scenes, and one of them is Thalionwen, who is playing Galadriel. Thus, the conversation between Treebeard and Galadriel is planned as a sort of outline with a majority of details being RPed along the way.
Anyways, let's move on to the analyzing of Treebeard's first post:
So notice that I'm using the name Fangorn instead of Treebeard. I did this for two reasons: 1. his Sindarin name is Fangorn. 2. Thingol has placed a language ban on Quenya, so Sindarin is the default language of Doriath. I wanted him to be in the Forest of Neldoreth at the time of the Battle of Sudden Flame, because if he had been in Dorthonion, like he usually is in the winters, I would have trouble believing he would just let the trees burn and not fall in battle against Morgoth's forces. He is a tree shepherd after all. But if he's over in Neldoreth, then he would not be immediately roused by directly seeing the trees. He would default to his non-hasty nature and think of a more... organized way to respond. But that'll be in regards to the next post.
Speaking of Neldoreth, Treebeard references this forest in The Two Towers, visiting it in Autumn. So believe it or not, I only was reminded of this as I was looking at the reference while I was writing the post that he went to various forests in different parts of the seasons. So I had to come up with a reason why he's not going to Dorthonion this winter. Thankfully, Neldoreth is populated by beech trees, per the quote. As I researched beech trees, I saw that in the winter many of their leaves actually stayed on their trees rather than falling down. I found that fascinating, and if I find it fascinating, Treebeard would experience that feeling doubly so. You'll see later in the post when I use this to my advantage in providing reasoning for him staying in Doriath at this moment in time.
Notice I don't start off in describing what the ent looks like. That's done on purpose because I know most readers already have a vision of what Treebeard looks like. Now recently, in a movie thread, Elenhir has noted that ents only have some attributes of trees if one only took a glance at them, but they were actually of flesh rather than wood. Another post indicated that they probably were not as tall as the movies made them out to be. But I leave it to my readers on what they imagine Treebeard looks like since he's a well-known character. Perhaps the reader can imagine a few less wrinkles in places to show him being younger in the first age, but I did not consider describing his physical attributes a priority.
What I did consider a priority was his feelings regarding Neldoreth. Here I mention how he finds beech trees fascinating, referencing that aspect of the leaves turning tan in winter. But I also use a little creative license in assuming he has witnessed Lúthien dancing causing flowers to grow, thus reminding him of Fimbrethil, who I presume also has that power but may/may not dance to facilitate the growing of the flowers (just imagine an entwife dancing like Lúthien and try not to chuckle). I also mention the summertime in Ossiriand, which Treebeard also mentions in the second book of LOTR. This is where I also hint where Fimbrethil is located (which was done with collaboration behind the scenes with Nia, who is playing that role).
In The Two Towers, Treebeard directly states that in the good old elder days, he indeed would spend a week just breathing in the fine air. So I did a callback to that in this second paragraph. His relationship with Thingol is another one where I needed to use a little logical thinking and creativity in regards to what Treebeard would most likely think of the elf-king. In LOTR, Treebeard actually cautioned Merry and Pippin to avoid getting entangled in Lorien as it was a weird place. Using that vein, I'm assuming that our ent regards Thingol as a weird person because he not only has the Girdle protecting the place, but he also instituted a language ban on Quenya! I see Doriath as weirder than Lorien, so I'm assuming Treebeard thinks that way too. This also gives a tiny hint in regards to a future post where we will get Treebeard's response to a certain new policy.
The next part of the paragraph I reference the battle which caused the end of the Green Elves in terms of their power in Ossiriand. It also conveniently means that there is a bunch of land for entwives to tend to, as I'm assuming that once the elves were depopulated/left, a lot of the plants became abandoned. I have Treebeard getting his news from trees, since that's who he communicates the most with. I also establish that the Long Peace has allowed our ent to travel everywhere including Neldoreth, providing both a reason why he's in Beleriand and lowering the sense of urgency in worrying about the threat up North.
So paragraph 3 is where I sorta use creativity to come up with a reason for Treebeard not to visit Dorthonion in the winter (at this moment). Because of my research of beech trees that I did while writing the post, I had him become interested in why the leaves aged but stayed on those particular trees. The second creative reason is including curiosity on whether or not the presence of Lúthien affected anything, thus also requiring him to investigate Region to see if there was any difference between Neldoreth and Region.
With paragraph 4, I was very careful to make it so that he had a feeling that something was wrong up north as a bit of insight. At the same time, because of the whole Girdle of Melian thing, along with the delay of the refugees just making their way south into Doriath, I had to make it so that it was only a hunch. And a hunch alone would not cause Treebeard to do something hasty like leave the forest to investigate. This also allows the opportunity to get more information out of somebody, and well enter Galadriel
As implied, the pair have met before. This is a reference to the Return of the King, where we know that they met before (along with Celeborn). Their relationship is interesting, and there is a lot unsaid and actually a lot of... possible tension between the pair as they kinda both talked shade about the other's forests behind the other's book. But that's an entire different subject. We do not know exactly of every single conversation and when they happened, but in RPG's like Ages of Arda, plausibility becomes key in filling in gaps. It's very plausible that Treebeard got permission from Thingol to visit Neldoreth whenever he wished, and therefore meet Galadriel and Celeborn there. It is also plausible that the ent received news from the elves.
Paragraph 6 is a direct response to Thalionwen's post as Galadriel. I basically summarize quite a few aspects of the entire post before this quote in dialogue form. Notice I specifically note that Treebeard is happy that elves care for the trees. An astute reader who has read Thalionwen's post as Galadriel should eagerly anticipate to the probable bad news that will be stated towards our ent.
Paragraph 7 provides the conversational cue for Galadriel to respond. I show the insight of Treebeard, and note once again that ents are not hasty. This will prepare the reader eventually for what our ent will plan in the next rp posts. But that is in the future. Our annotation then, ends here for now!
Postscript: I went to sleep after I posted and dreamt I was treebeard
~~~
So there you have it, an Annotation of one of my RP posts. Questions, comments, suggestions? Feel free to bring them up!
This is where Rivvy rambles on a recent RP post he did in terms of writing construction, strategy, idioms, cliches, regrets, change-of-decisions, and other information that would make an agent yell at Rivvy for spoiling his trade secrets.
RP post: Fangorn in the Forest of Neldoreth, located in the Ages of Arda RPG (viewtopic.php?f=10&t=297&start=50)
Context: Ages of Arda is an RPG spanning the entire history of middle earth. Currently, the post is taking place in the very protected Doriath during the Battle of Sudden Flame.
RP Post Summary: Fangorn's first post in this RPG. He decides to stay in Doriath for the winter to further investigate its beech trees. Noticing Galadriel, he greets her and asks what is on her mind.
Notes prior to post: So, this was my first time RPing as an ent, and what a big responsibility from the get-go to roleplay as Treebeard! This was arranged almost on a whim in Discord. I was asked by the GM, Aigronding, to play Treebeard as the GM thought I would be great as an ent. After all, I kinda have been sounding like one in real life. But anyways, I agreed and then we worked on the timeline on when and where to put him in. What is interesting about Treebeard is that he makes multiple references to "the Great Darkness" that came from "the North." He's not talking about Angmar, he's talking about Morgoth, because Treebeard references Morgoth's defeat before the Entwives were eradicated by Sauron in the second age. Once Morgoth came from the North, that was when the sundering of the Ents and the Entwives began, when the Entwives moved beyond the Anduin river.
At the same time, if the sundering occurred before the Battle of Sudden Flame, that kinda would downplay the very concept of a "Long Peace." Especially because Treebeard explicitly stated that the Entwives craved peace above all, as in their gardens not being disturbed by malevolence. So we hypothesized that it was the Battle of Sudden Flame that is the trigger for Morgoth's permanency as Beleriand's threat. We made more plans surrounding this, but you'll hopefully see that unfold as time goes on in the RPG. I've communicated with various members behind the scenes, and one of them is Thalionwen, who is playing Galadriel. Thus, the conversation between Treebeard and Galadriel is planned as a sort of outline with a majority of details being RPed along the way.
Anyways, let's move on to the analyzing of Treebeard's first post:
Setting the Scene and the Opening Quote
So notice that I'm using the name Fangorn instead of Treebeard. I did this for two reasons: 1. his Sindarin name is Fangorn. 2. Thingol has placed a language ban on Quenya, so Sindarin is the default language of Doriath. I wanted him to be in the Forest of Neldoreth at the time of the Battle of Sudden Flame, because if he had been in Dorthonion, like he usually is in the winters, I would have trouble believing he would just let the trees burn and not fall in battle against Morgoth's forces. He is a tree shepherd after all. But if he's over in Neldoreth, then he would not be immediately roused by directly seeing the trees. He would default to his non-hasty nature and think of a more... organized way to respond. But that'll be in regards to the next post.
Speaking of Neldoreth, Treebeard references this forest in The Two Towers, visiting it in Autumn. So believe it or not, I only was reminded of this as I was looking at the reference while I was writing the post that he went to various forests in different parts of the seasons. So I had to come up with a reason why he's not going to Dorthonion this winter. Thankfully, Neldoreth is populated by beech trees, per the quote. As I researched beech trees, I saw that in the winter many of their leaves actually stayed on their trees rather than falling down. I found that fascinating, and if I find it fascinating, Treebeard would experience that feeling doubly so. You'll see later in the post when I use this to my advantage in providing reasoning for him staying in Doriath at this moment in time.
Paragraph 1
Notice I don't start off in describing what the ent looks like. That's done on purpose because I know most readers already have a vision of what Treebeard looks like. Now recently, in a movie thread, Elenhir has noted that ents only have some attributes of trees if one only took a glance at them, but they were actually of flesh rather than wood. Another post indicated that they probably were not as tall as the movies made them out to be. But I leave it to my readers on what they imagine Treebeard looks like since he's a well-known character. Perhaps the reader can imagine a few less wrinkles in places to show him being younger in the first age, but I did not consider describing his physical attributes a priority.
What I did consider a priority was his feelings regarding Neldoreth. Here I mention how he finds beech trees fascinating, referencing that aspect of the leaves turning tan in winter. But I also use a little creative license in assuming he has witnessed Lúthien dancing causing flowers to grow, thus reminding him of Fimbrethil, who I presume also has that power but may/may not dance to facilitate the growing of the flowers (just imagine an entwife dancing like Lúthien and try not to chuckle). I also mention the summertime in Ossiriand, which Treebeard also mentions in the second book of LOTR. This is where I also hint where Fimbrethil is located (which was done with collaboration behind the scenes with Nia, who is playing that role).
Paragraph 2
In The Two Towers, Treebeard directly states that in the good old elder days, he indeed would spend a week just breathing in the fine air. So I did a callback to that in this second paragraph. His relationship with Thingol is another one where I needed to use a little logical thinking and creativity in regards to what Treebeard would most likely think of the elf-king. In LOTR, Treebeard actually cautioned Merry and Pippin to avoid getting entangled in Lorien as it was a weird place. Using that vein, I'm assuming that our ent regards Thingol as a weird person because he not only has the Girdle protecting the place, but he also instituted a language ban on Quenya! I see Doriath as weirder than Lorien, so I'm assuming Treebeard thinks that way too. This also gives a tiny hint in regards to a future post where we will get Treebeard's response to a certain new policy.
The next part of the paragraph I reference the battle which caused the end of the Green Elves in terms of their power in Ossiriand. It also conveniently means that there is a bunch of land for entwives to tend to, as I'm assuming that once the elves were depopulated/left, a lot of the plants became abandoned. I have Treebeard getting his news from trees, since that's who he communicates the most with. I also establish that the Long Peace has allowed our ent to travel everywhere including Neldoreth, providing both a reason why he's in Beleriand and lowering the sense of urgency in worrying about the threat up North.
Paragraphs 3-4
So paragraph 3 is where I sorta use creativity to come up with a reason for Treebeard not to visit Dorthonion in the winter (at this moment). Because of my research of beech trees that I did while writing the post, I had him become interested in why the leaves aged but stayed on those particular trees. The second creative reason is including curiosity on whether or not the presence of Lúthien affected anything, thus also requiring him to investigate Region to see if there was any difference between Neldoreth and Region.
With paragraph 4, I was very careful to make it so that he had a feeling that something was wrong up north as a bit of insight. At the same time, because of the whole Girdle of Melian thing, along with the delay of the refugees just making their way south into Doriath, I had to make it so that it was only a hunch. And a hunch alone would not cause Treebeard to do something hasty like leave the forest to investigate. This also allows the opportunity to get more information out of somebody, and well enter Galadriel
Paragraphs 5-7
As implied, the pair have met before. This is a reference to the Return of the King, where we know that they met before (along with Celeborn). Their relationship is interesting, and there is a lot unsaid and actually a lot of... possible tension between the pair as they kinda both talked shade about the other's forests behind the other's book. But that's an entire different subject. We do not know exactly of every single conversation and when they happened, but in RPG's like Ages of Arda, plausibility becomes key in filling in gaps. It's very plausible that Treebeard got permission from Thingol to visit Neldoreth whenever he wished, and therefore meet Galadriel and Celeborn there. It is also plausible that the ent received news from the elves.
Paragraph 6 is a direct response to Thalionwen's post as Galadriel. I basically summarize quite a few aspects of the entire post before this quote in dialogue form. Notice I specifically note that Treebeard is happy that elves care for the trees. An astute reader who has read Thalionwen's post as Galadriel should eagerly anticipate to the probable bad news that will be stated towards our ent.
Paragraph 7 provides the conversational cue for Galadriel to respond. I show the insight of Treebeard, and note once again that ents are not hasty. This will prepare the reader eventually for what our ent will plan in the next rp posts. But that is in the future. Our annotation then, ends here for now!
Postscript: I went to sleep after I posted and dreamt I was treebeard
~~~
So there you have it, an Annotation of one of my RP posts. Questions, comments, suggestions? Feel free to bring them up!