WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS NO EXCEPTION
This is a Redwall fanfic I wrote at the overly-enthusiastic age of twelve. Typing it out here will be extremely painful for me, so I hope you gain some enjoyment from my suffering. Here is a beautiful cover I made for it in whatever word processor was around during my childhood, circa 156AD.
Without further ado, I bring you this preteen masterpiece, OTTER'SDAY, transcribed almost exactly as I wrote it out nearly two thousand years ago, and with commentary by Present Day Thali.
CHAPTER ONE
In which we meet our obnoxious hero, and FUTURE PLOT STUFF IS BROADLY HINTED AT
Nib sat alone in the hot, sticky afternoon sunshine. He brushed lazily at a fat, droning bee. The small hedgehog often went off by himself to escape the chaotic noise of his seven brothers and sisters. This was the first time in three days that he'd been able to get away. It felt good to be sitting in the drowsy, late summer afternoon with just his thoughts for company. Nib liked to think about distant places and days gone by. He was always getting into trouble because he asked too many questions. This puzzled him. How was he to learn if he didn't ask about what he wanted to know? Oh, well. He supposed that eventually there would be a time and place when he would get the answers to his questions. (I hate this child)
A caravan rumbled by, shaking the ground slightly, and Nib remembered that if he didn't get home soon, he would be in for it! Just last week a very excited squirrel had brought news of a cat in the north end of Mossflower! And there wasn't a day when you couldn't see the dark specks of who knew what birds of prey wheeling high in the sky! Something was brewing in the heart of Mossflower, but what? That was Nib's most recent question and the reason for the carts and families traveling east towards Redwall. So far, Nib's family had been seemingly unaffected by the news. But he was sure they would go to Redwall soon. As unlikely as it seemed, even a hedgehog could be picked up by a hawk or injured by a cat. And Nib hoped in that in Redwall, he would get his answers! (WOW EXCLAMATION MARKS! TROUBLE IS BREWING! DID YOU NOTICE???)
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The entire Stubb family was on the move, and arguing noisily. (ROAD TRIP!!!) Nib wished that he could just slip away, but also knew that he would get lost in this part of Mossflower, which he had never been in before. Another cart rattled past, with a small family of voles trailing along behind. Nib quickened his pace when he saw a gap in the trees ahead. He drew his breath sharply as he saw Redwall for the first time. The high, unscaled walls stood peacefully in the setting sun. A large, wooden door (Really love to use pairs of adjectives here, don't we?) swung open and the hedgehog family trundled in. Nib gazed around himself in unconcealed fascination. There was everything you could possibly need inside these walls. Orchards and berry-patches, green lawns, a vegetable garden, a pond, and the abbey itself, standing serenely in the middle of it all.
(Here I will begin inserting paragraph breaks out of pity for you, the reader, as 12 year old Laura was caught up in the glories of Redwall and made this ENTIRE SECTION ONE PARAGRAPH, YES INCLUDING ALL THE DIALOGUE)
Squirrels, mice, voles, shrews, otters, moles, hedgehogs and a few hares were all going about their business. Nib started when an old mouse in a brown robe and spectacles walked up and said, "Greetings. I am Abbot Morton. Welcome to Redwall Abbey."
Nib's family began to introduce themselves. When it was Nib's turn, he replied, "I'm Nib. What kind of stone was used to make the walls red?" (I want to drop-kick this spiky urchin so bad)
Nib's mother scolded him. "Nib, I'm sure the Abbot has better things to do than listen to your questions." (YEAH, SHUT THE FREDEGAR UP, NIB)
"Not at all, not at all," the Abbot answered. (LIES) "They are made of sandstone, young hedgehog, dug out of a quarry not far from here."
Nib was thrilled. Finally, someone would answer his questions. (Abbot, you dug your own grave, my friend) "Who founded the Abbey?" he asked.
"The Abbess Germaine, I believe," replied the Abbot. (YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS, BUDDY)
"Where did she come from?"
"An Abbey called Loamhedge, far in the South."
"And I have one more question, Abbot Morton, why--" (I will murder this child)
A voice came floating across the grounds. "Abbot Morton, we need you over here."
The Abbot hurried away. (Obviously this was just him throwing his voice. It is at this point that we actually encounter a paragraph break in the original text)
A mouse came up and exclaimed in a motherly tone, "Oh, you must be exhausted from your journey! Come inside and we'll get you something to eat and show you where the dormitories are!"
Nib looked around at all the happy creatures and wondered how trouble could ever come to this beautiful place. (OH I HAVE A FEELING IT WILL, AND THAT IT WILL DO SO VERY SHORTLY)
Thus concludes Chapter One, and in Chapter Two DEVILRY WILL BE REVEALED, SO STAY TUNED.
for the orphan hare with perpetually dancing eyes... Will she be The One who bites it at the end? DON'T SPOIL IT, pretend I didn't ask!
